“I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”

– President Franklin Roosevelt

Oh hey, everyone. Well, here we are. You’re looking at my blog because I don’t use social media, and I am writing about politics because that’s what I’ve been up to lately. Cool, cool. Well, enjoy the read.

Bernie Sanders recently released a list of Anti-Endorsements, quoting FDR. Please read this list and read up on why he is making sure that these entities do not continue getting endorsed by unwitting people.

Bernie Sanders has received over 2 million individual contributions, which is an all-time world record. These were small donations—not large corporate donations.

Just 6 days into his campaign in February, he had over a million volunteers.

Of all the Democratic Presidential Candidates running in 2020, Bernie Sanders is leading in total contributions. The only person who has raised more than him is Trump, and Trump has less donors. See the FEC report HERE.

Democratic candidates are trying to run on his ideas, which proves how good they are!

BUT despite all of this, certain publications such as the Washington Post can’t stop trying to smear him.


Aren’t you sick and tired of billionaires and corporations deciding our politics for us? Realize that the top 1/10 of the richest 1% owns about as much money as the bottom 90% of the people in the United States of America. And with that comes the ability to control the news cycle. Enough is enough.


(You should follow David Sirota on Twitter)

Corporate media is trying to fool the American people into thinking that Bernie Sanders isn’t doing well when in fact he is doing incredibly well. So with that, I am going to list some publications that love to smear Bernie Sanders.

Start with this article. Washington Post published 16 negative stories about Bernie Sanders in 16 hours. Woah.

Why is this? Well, Amazon boss Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post several years ago and Bernie Sanders is considered an “existential threat” to large corporations such as—and especially—Amazon. That is why the Washington Post loves to post shit on Bernie. Go figure.

And in case you didn’t know,

Amazon is the invisible backbone behind ICE’s immigration crackdown. Read About it HERE.

Yep. Please cancel your Amazon Prime subscriptions and boycott it. They treat their workers horribly as well. You can look up a myriad of articles about this, but here is an op-ed from Time Magazine from a previous employee, “I Worked at an Amazon Fulfillment Center; They Treat Workers Like Robots”

Admittedly, this is all sad news. Not only am I bummed that Amazon’s Jeff Bezos is corrupting the Washington Post and what I thought used to be a decent news source, but he treats his workers like shit, too. This also bums me out because I have a pen name that I write under and have published five books through Amazon. I’ve kept asking myself if I should tell the world about them or just keep them secret, but now I’ve decided to switch my publishing platform. Or at least, just not tell my 500-5,000 visitors a day what they are until I find a better platform. I’d rather not be a sell-out. And I want Trump to be defeated. I want big money corruption scandals to get the fuck out of politics. So therefore, Amazon is now Amazon in my book.

In fact, I am canceling my Prime membership right now, in solidarity with the current boycott. Here is a screenshot of what this looks like:Screen Shot 2019-07-19 at 4.55.15 AM

(If you need some ethical and cheap alternatives to Amazon Prime, look at this list HERE).


And then there is the New York Times’ writer Sydney Ember. Read this:

“Meet Sydney Ember, the New York Times’ Senior Anti-Bernie Correspondent

Big surprise: the New York Times reporter covering Bernie Sanders has a long record of unfairly attacking Sanders — while neglecting to mention that the sources she quotes are corporate lobbyists.”

Yep. In fact, Sydney Ember can be found on Twitter as @MelbourneCoal, and she has big ties to coal. Hence her Twitter handle. Read this article about how Sydney Ember of the New York Times uses corporate sources to attack Bernie Sanders.

It’s actually insane how so much of the media is trying to sway our elections this far out. I keep seeing articles about who is in 1st and who is in 3rd, with no mention of Sanders being the person in 2nd (behind Biden). I see stats about the candidates, with every name in bold except Bernie Sanders’. It’s like corporate media just thinks he will disappear if they pretend he doesn’t exist, which is an oddly familiar situation to me. I see polls every day that point in every direction possible, and polls literally mean nothing this far out. Additionally, if you see a poll that was taken using landlines, realize that most people who still own landlines are over age 65.

So get out and register to vote before the Democratic primaries. Register as a Democrat so you can vote for Bernie Sanders. Rock The Vote is a great place to look up the dates that apply to your state.

That being said,

Here’s A LONG List Of Bernie Sanders’ Accomplishments (WITH CITATIONS)

Here is a LONG list of Bernie Sanders’ legislative landmarks.

Here is a fact-check on the fact that Bernie Sanders was dubbed the “Roll Call Amendment King” and passed more amendments in a Republican Congress than any other member (this is yuge).

The linked article directly above also shows that all of Bernie Sanders’ legislation either met or exceeded expectations.

Check out Bernie’s Voting Record HERE.

I have personally heard about a dozen disenfranchised Republicans talk about their personal experiences with healthcare and why they now are Bernie Sanders fans. The great thing about Bernie Sanders is he IS NOT A DEMOCRAT OR A REPUBLICAN. He’s always been an Independent. And that is partly why he is the man for everyone, because he isn’t a corporate shill.

I keep hearing middle-ground voters also say they think that if Biden is nominated, Trump will win again.

And here is what is up:

We have gotten to a point in U.S. politics where everything has turned into utter nonsense and insanity. I say this because it is true.

To start, we as a country have been and are still under attack by hostile foreign actors. Proven methods of said attacks have included creating fake online accounts and trolling and spamming news and social media with these accounts. So we have Russians posing as Americans. And then we have corporate shills—people who work with lobbyists, people who work with Wall Street—who are creating troll accounts, too.

I’ve spoken with people from the U.K., Canada, Mexico, Scandinavia, France, and Germany. They have all said pretty much the same things.

They are all watching what is happening to the United States in utter horror and virtual disbelief at our ignorance and stupidity.

They all want to know how they can help. Most of them want us to elect Bernie Sanders because they are conscious of the fact that the United States is supposed to serve as the epicenter of world diplomacy and everyone needs to work together in the coming decade regarding climate change. They know Sanders wants to help and considers climate change an emergency that needs to be acted upon immediately.

Most of these other countries don’t have Fox News. Fox News is essentially what state TV was to Hitler’s Germany. It is 24/7 propaganda designed to perpetuate the utter nonsense that has devoured our country whole.

Words have become virtually meaningless in today’s sociopolitical atmosphere. Trump buddies up with murderous dictators—Russia is literally a communist dictatorship; North Korea is described as a “dictatorship of people’s democracy.” And now the Trump campaign itself has trolls spreading propaganda that anyone who opposes Trump is a communist. Yikes.

Trump started the whole “send her back” chant at his recent rally, by initially using hateful and divisive rhetoric on his Twitter account. The chant was directed at Ilhan Omar and was the direct result of Trump’s Tweets just days before. In response to AOC, Omar, Tlaib, and Pressley denouncing the brutally inhumane and cruel conditions for refugees at the southern border of the country, Trump claimed that they all come from corrupt governments. But three of those four women were born in the U.S., and Omar was a refugee who came to the U.S. at age twelve and was granted citizenship long before Trump’s wife Melania was; so really this is all just pure bigotry, racism, and xenophobia coming from our current POTUS.*

This saying is an old fascist, racist saying. The people of Nazi Germany were telling people they didn’t like to leave. “Either like it or leave.” In reality, the true American thing to do is to stand up for what is right in the face of fascism.

And then Trump tried to wash himself of what he did and said. The GOP has barely stood up for the rule of law and decency and is trying to defend Trump. The GOP has become the party of Trump, defenders of Trump, and not of the Constitution. Some are saying they would still support him even if he said he was racist. Trump’s approval ratings went up after his recent racist Tweets. Lindsey Graham once called Trump “a race-baiting, xenophobic, religious bigot”—but now won’t say Trump is a racist. Why? Because people have no honor, no morals, and no conscience anymore—not when they refuse to stand up to hate and bigotry.

Words, words, words. What do words mean anymore? Well, they have to mean something. They have to mean something when it comes to the rule of law, or all we have is complete mental chaos and political anarchy.

Which again, brings me full circle back to Bernie Sanders. He is literally the most consistent politician running for office in 2020. Even close contenders don’t compare. Take Elizabeth Warren for example. Warren was actually a Republican until she was almost 50, and Warren has repeatedly voted pro-war and for increasing the military budget. On the flip-side, she has taken several of Bernie’s ideas and used variations of them for her own platform. Personally, I would rather have Bernie because Bernie is consistent. He hasn’t taken anyone else’s ideas; he hasn’t flipped on his own ideas. And that is really all we have now, as far as choosing who to vote for.

All we really have left is looking at history, at voting records.

Bernie Sanders has the longest historical voting record of voting for women’s rights and their right to choose whether to keep or abort a child, for instance. (Really, read this. It’s amazing. He’s more pro-choice than any of the woman candidates running for office.)

Bernie Sanders has been advocating to take big money out of politics longer than any of the other Democratic presidential candidates.

So the media is desperately trying to attack him, but with what? The best they can do is try and take words he has said out of context. For instance, Rachel Maddow did this to him during the first Democratic debates and he immediately called her out on it. Thankfully, Bernie is sharp as a whistle and can call out bullshit commentary set-ups on the spot. This is the kind of thing that producers do to reality show contestants, too. But it’s a million times worse when talking heads try and do this to politicians. If we want politicians to be honest, and we want people to make honest and educated decisions when voting, then it is up to those who lead debates and interviews to also act in good faith.

And for some reason, Bernie scares the shit out of so many news networks and news channels—almost all of which are owned by 6 corporations.

Most people these days get their news from sound bites and headlines, and are too busy or unfocused to look into anything more. The average citizen isn’t going to look up the sponsor of everything they read, or even read past the first few words of what is floating around in their news feed. So you have to start paying attention if you want to make an educated decision when you vote at the next elections. You have to start paying attention now, because unfortunately it takes consistency and action to stay informed in the current news cycle while understanding the underlying forces behind it.

I could really go on and on. Most recently, let’s take Bernie Sanders’ campaign. Bernie pushed for his workers to unionize—becoming the first major presidential candidate to do so— and guaranteed them a $15 minimum wage (which by the way, thanks to him, was recently voted on and passed by the House; unfortunately, we already know the Senate won’t pass it).

Just today, the Washington Post reported that Bernie’s union workers want to negotiate a higher pay because some of them have been working 60 hours a week instead of 40, and their previously negotiated salaries equate to $13/hour. Well, Bernie’s spokesperson made it clear that no one knew this until just now, and now they are all in and willing and stoked to negotiate this. But WaPo (and then Politico, and then Fox) took this tiny event and blew it up with misleading headlines. So this news about people going into Unionized negotiations for a boss they all love is being spread with headlines about Bernie’s campaign being “riled,” and dishonest. JFC. He pays his employees more than any other Democratic presidential candidate and only one other has moved to unionize—guess who? Warren. One month after Bernie did.

How annoying can a person be? Granted, Bernie Sanders doesn’t want to badmouth Warren, which is respectable. Warren is still my second choice. But come on now. She’s tracing Bernie’s platform like an activity book.

Literally, if anyone even reads the articles showing the quotes from the people involved, they realize that the headlines are misleading.

But that is the problem. Most people don’t read. And now news outlets are creating news based on headlines. WTF.

So please, make it a goal this year to start reading more if you don’t already. Please. And make sure you are registered to vote in the upcoming primaries. It is not enough to vote based on identity politics. That is how we got a reality show star who idolizes Hitler in office.

It’s not okay to say that Bernie is “too consistent,” but that anyone else running with his platform’s ideas is a better choice. How do you know any of them mean what they say? My god, lack of consistency is the hallmark trait of corruption. When someone lies to get elected, they are literally a piece of shit.

It’s not okay to say that Bernie is “too old,” because he is 77, but that Biden is young enough because he is 76. (By the way, Warren is 70 and Trump is 73.) A 73 year old who only lives on McDonald’s and never exercises (Trump) isn’t going to live as long as a 77 year old who plays basketball and can march in 5 parades in two days in an Iowan heatwave (Bernie).  And their brains aren’t going to be the same, either; if you are a student of health and nutrition you know this.

It’s not enough to vote because you like how old someone is. There are young people and old people from all ends of the political spectrum, and while it would be cool to see more people like AOC get into political office, AOC is actually like a young, female Bernie Sanders. And there aren’t any younger Democratic candidates with policies as  progressive and truly representative of younger generations as Bernie’s are. Bernie is the only candidate who is fighting tooth and nail for the youngest generations on the planet right now.

It’s not enough to vote because you want a certain sex or ethnicity in your president. We aren’t casting for a movie here. This isn’t a beauty pageant.

It isn’t enough to ignore history and policies because Biden’s name reminds you of Obama, or because Kamala is a black woman and you want physical diversity. Read up on Kamala’s legislative and prosecutorial histories. They are corrupt as can be.

I’d love a woman president one day too, but it can’t be a corrupt ex-cop. I’d personally love to see AOC be our first woman president, after Bernie fills the POTUS position first and sets our country on the course we need to take asap.

I am stoked for the 2020 elections, and I want you to be, too. So please, get excited. Study. Do your part now. Take part in the conversation now. The trolls are out in full force trying to decide your future for you. Don’t let that happen.

Time is of the essence.




You Must Read This. SOS. Real SOS. The United States Is In PERIL and the Trump Administration is Committing Crimes Against Humanity at the Border. Anyone in a NON-FASCIST Foreign Country Reading This, Please Help Us. Please Contact Your Representatives.


A note to Trump supporters, please read this:


This is an excellent scholarly article on a macro-micro model of participation in genocide as it relates to Cognitive Dissonance Theory. It specifically touches on the genocidal legacies of Rwanda and the Nazis.

There is a combination of factors at play here, mainly the deliberate indoctrination of ideologies based on xenophobia and ethnic segregation, and the social segregations and social networks created through self-created crises in the midst of socioeconomic poverty and destitution. This is being expedited with social media and Trump knows this.

Trump is indeed trying to form a fascist regime and it is creeping up on his followers.

He is expediting his ability to brainwash you by dismantling the country systematically in order to create more socioeconomic issues and impoverishment. This is designed to make you angry and easier to manipulate.

The Nazis were originally relatively more liberal towards Jews until Hitler had successfully indoctrinated his followers to the point that they saw killing people as the righteous thing to do, at which point the Nazi concentration camps turned into death camps.

Additionally, I invite anyone here doubting the reality of our concentration camps to read up on the Anglo-Boer War and the concentration camps as they were described in 1900. They were EXACTLY the same as our current concentration camps for refugees. They were actually set up as refugee camps before they turned into concentration camps. And keep in mind that the Anglo-Boer War had their “Undesirables,” the Nazis had the same. And so does Trump, he calls immigrants “dogs, vermin, criminals, and rapists” coming here to take over our country.

Please, if you are a Breitbart reader, Hannity supporter, or are doubting the semantics being used here, read up. Read up because you are about to become indoctrinated into being a murderer.

“18 June [1901], Emily Hobhouse’s report on concentration camps appear under the title, “To the S.A. Distress Fund, Report of a visit to the camps of women and children in the Cape and Orange River Colonies”. Summarising the reasons for the high fatality rate, she writes, “Numbers crowded into small tents: some sick, some dying, occasionally a dead one among them; scanty rations dealt out raw; lack of fuel to cook them; lack of water for drinking, for cooking, for washing; lack of soap, brushes and other instruments of personal cleanliness; lack of bedding or of beds to keep the body off the bare earth; lack of clothing for warmth and in many cases for decency …” Her conclusion is that the whole system is cruel and should be abolished.”

Source: https://www.sahistory.org.za/topic/women-children-white-concentration-camps-during-anglo-boer-war-1900-1902



The following thread is from Twitter, from https://mobile.twitter.com/ecmclaughlin/status/1139192167501484033

Elizabeth McLaughlin is a human rights advocate and attorney working with refugee volunteers at the United States border.

After the thread I have more of a discussion and supporting/corroborating links to this. Note that I added additional information and supporting links to this article on June 19th, 20th, 21st, 23rd.

Please read this first:

Please read this recent article from the Huff Post, which I believe is detailing the above unnamed woman’s story: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/four-severely-ill-migrant-babies-hospitalized-after-lawyers-visited-border-patrol-facility_n_5d0d3bbce4b07ae90d9cfe4f

Please allow me to summarize the situation for anyone who has no idea what is going on, or not enough of an idea. Let me make myself clear that this is not about identifying with any political party. This is about our Constitution and our country:

There is a loophole in our laws that somehow makes an ambiguous and uncertain proclamation that a sitting U.S. President cannot be indicted for crimes. Therefore Trump does not see stepping down from the presidency* as an option.

FBI Special Investigator Robert Mueller proved that Russia interfered in our election and Trump accepted that help. The FBI proved that Trump had committed at least 10 separate criminal acts of obstruction (each one an impeachable offense) in trying to stop the investigation. 34 people have already been indicted from Trump’s circle.

Robert Mueller and the FBI alerted Barr to the fact that he mischaracterized the 448-page report and deliberately manipulated the truth to the general public. This is serious.

Obstruction of Justice is when someone undermines an investigation. In Trump’s case, this has been in numerous ways and he is continuing to obstruct investigations into his actions. Obstruction of justice includes destroying evidence, tampering with witness testimony, planting fake testimony, refusing to testify, refusing to hand over evidence, and forcing other people to ignore subpoenas to testify or hand over evidence. As Mueller stated, this cuts right to the heart of an investigation. No, Mueller DID NOT EXONERATE TRUMP. Mueller’s investigation was obstructed numerous times. The House of Representatives’ investigations are continuing to be obstructed.

Democrats are worried that starting impeachment proceedings will fall flat on the Senate floor, because the Senate is run by Trump supporters (see above link about the Senate flat out refusing to make our elections safe, after all of what we’ve been through). The House would investigate him and then the Senate is supposed to vote, but the Senate has become totalitarian and will not vote on anything from the House.

The House of Representatives is worried that this outcome would create the impression that Trump is innocent, when in fact the Republican majority Senate refuses to do their jobs and uphold the Constitution. If this happened, Trump’s supporters—who are already in the dark about his crimes—would have the false impression that he was made a martyr.

Trump has spoken about being above the law numerous times and now he is trying to get his supporters to press for his term to be extended to 6 or 10 years. NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THIS BEFORE.

June 21st: Trump just tweeted an insane video threatening to be president for “eternity.”

This isn’t a joke. This isn’t “funny” “trolling.” Presidents of the United States have a sworn vow to “preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” Creating terror and panic throughout the nation is what a psychopathic dictator does. Note that this comes a mere four days after Trump threatened a Time reporter with prison time for taking a photo and then moments later suggested that Time make him person of the year. The day after the Time reporter incident, Trump filed a document with the Second Circuit Court of Appeals that claimed Congress could not inform the public about him.

Trump has already declared that the next election will be illegitimate—despite the fact that he has been proven to accept and welcome election interference—and we have been warned by his prior attorney, Michael Cohen, that Trump will likely not step down from office peacefully. This should alarm you. This means Trump will cheat during the next election to win, but if he loses, he already plans on turning the narrative completely around and accusing whoever wins as stealing the election as he just did.

This should ALARM YOU.

If Trump is impeached, he will be imprisoned. Therefore he is holding on to his place of power and dismantling our government as fast as possible, while stacking Supreme Court judges and committing crimes against humanity. He has said he would appreciate foreign interference in our elections again and told the nation not to go to the FBI when they are supposed to.

These are not the actions of an innocent man. These are the actions of a dictator.

Read: The Republican-lead Senate Refuses to Sign Any Election Security Bills

Trump cozies up to the most murderous dictators in the world on a regular basis.

First of all, there is his friend Putin, who Trump meets with and talks to regularly without anyone taking notes.

Then of course, there is Kim Jong Un, whom Trump takes at his word despite the fact that Kim Jong Un is one of the most frightening, psychopathic, and murderous dictators on the planet. Trump took Kim Jong Un’s word over the CIA.

He’s cozied up to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Same with Filipino autocrat Rodrigo Duterte.

Same with Egyptian president Abdel Fattah el-Sisi.

Same with Turkey’s Recep Tayyip Erdoğan.

Trump has turned his back on the ICC, the International Criminal Court, whose job it is to investigate and prosecute crimes against humanity. He recently turned away an ICC prosecutor from entering the United States to pursue investigations on crimes against humanity. To Trump, any and all organizations that can prosecute him are “liars” and “illegitimate.” Note the word illegitimate. These are all very alarming proclamations and efforts of stonewalling investigations of his crimes. This should alarm every American citizen, because it means that we could potentially be rendered helpless against his tyranny. The entire world is watching this happen and the entire world is alarmed. So you should be too. I don’t care what your political affiliation is.

You need to care.

Meanwhile, Trump has flipped the narrative of reality once again and is now calling every single person or organization investigating or opposing him “treasonous,” as if he was a king. He calls the media—all the fair and accurate media—”the enemy of the people,” which is a quote from Adolph Hitler. Psychiatrists, 99% of the world’s scientists, over 1,000 prosecutors, even videos of himself saying things—are all fake. They are all lies or liars, when Trump cannot go a single day without publicly tweeting or stating an average of 22 lies and inaccuracies per day. This is not a massive conspiracy where the entire planet is out to get Trump. Trump is mentally ill. And he is in the position of the most powerful man in the world. His lies are endless. He is rapidly gutting every institution in our country and putting as many lobbyists in charge of every government organization he possibly can. His claims about “draining the swamp” were complete and total projections of the opposite of what he intended to do and has been doing. He is deliberately sabotaging the United States and his followers aren’t informed enough to understand or are so corrupt themselves that they are helping him. How does a person state 22 lies in a day, every day of their life?

How can you repeat over 10,000 lies in a summary? His first day in office, the administration took down the White House website page dedicated to climate change—the most dangerous threat to the planet right now, apart from Trump himself. Next he got right to work and censored scientists and took away their funding if they mentioned “global warming” or “climate change” anywhere in their studies, rolled back all the ecological and environmental protections made in the previous decade by the Obama administration, has been promoting fossil fuels, and has told his followers that windmills cause cancer. He just told everyone that the stock market will crash if he’s not reelected. And for some reason, there are people who actually believe him.

He said “he’d find a cure for cancer” if reelected. News flash: we have a cure for cancer and it is called “cannabis,” and it is federally illegal.

His “spiritual advisor” told all his followers at his reelection rally that there are “demonic forces” working against him.

AND Trump Paid Actors $50 to Cheer for Him.

Holy shit.

He broke all his campaign promises but his followers don’t know this.

He said he’d cut taxes for everyone, but 80% of his tax cuts are to the top 1%.

He said “we’re going to have insurance for everybody,” but “Trump made it his first priority to pass legislation that would strip coverage from 20 million Americans and end protections for tens of millions more with pre-existing conditions. Trump has also called for work requirements—which disproportionately bar those who are working, ill, disabled, caregivers, or students from receiving health insurance—and cut tribal health care funding by hundreds of millions of dollars.”

He promised to lower prescription drug prices, but, “drug manufacturers continue to hike prices, and he backed Congress’ repeal of the individual mandate, which is estimated to increase the number of uninsured Americans by about 8 million by 2027.”

He said, “Every policy decision we make must pass a simple test: Does it create more jobs and better wages for Americans?” but “wages have remained virtually stagnant for decades…corporate profits have soared to unprecedented levels, with year-over-year increases of nearly 17 percent from this past quarter. The Trump administration also reversed an Obama-era rule updating overtime rules, resulting in $1.2 billion in lost wages per year. Furthermore, Trump has backed an assault on unions and left the minimum wage at a paltry $7.25, despite its purchasing power having sharply diminished in the 10 years since it was last raised.”

He said, he would be the “greatest jobs producer that God ever created,” but job growth under Trump has fallen in line with job growth of past administrations. The average number of jobs added per month has roughly mirrored that of the Obama administration. And despite the disproportionate effect that recessions have on working and low-income people, Trump has advocated for the very reckless policies that led to the 2008 crisis”

He said he’d tax Wall Street, but he did the opposite.

This man is dangerous.

So we, despite all of this, are at a standstill while Trump and his administration are committing horrific acts of crimes against humanity. We have turned into Nazi Germany, and this is not hyperbole. This is not an exaggeration. Without the support of the ICC, and with the visa ban that Trump imposed on ICC prosecutors wanting to come to the U.S. to investigate humanitarian crimes, we seem to be completely cut off from outside help and are unable to prosecute Trump due to our law loophole.

Robert Mueller was not allowed to say whether or not Trump is guilty due to DOJ guidelines. He quoted the loophole in our laws that recommends that sitting presidents cannot be indicted BUT he said that if he had evidence of Trump’s innocence, he would have to say so by law. Mueller implied that this is in Congress’s hands, inferring the impeachment process. Trump and Barr have completely falsified the results of this investigation to make it sound like Trump was cleared when he was not. Most conservative voters have no way to know that they have been mislead.

See this article, for instance. Republican Justin Amash, the only Republican to call for Trump’s impeachment, recently held a public meeting with his constituents. Many of them admitted they had no idea Trump had done anything wrong.

Trump has refused to testify under oath. Trump has ordered that all subpoenas be ignored. Trump has demanded that everyone working for him also ignore subpoenas to testify.

These are not the actions of an innocent man.

These are the actions of a sick and twisted psychopath who stole our election with a hostile foreign nation’s aid.

Over 1,000 prosecutors have signed a letter stating that Trump must be indicted for his crimes and is not above the law. 

A Yale psychiatrist sat down with a panel of psychiatrists and concluded that Trump is a global and national emergency due to his mental health. See here.

27 psychiatrists assessed Trump and one of them, a Harvard psychiatrist, publicly concluded that the president is suffering from a real, “dangerous sociopathic disorder.” Harvard psychiatrist: Donald Trump’s actions are signs of a “severe, continuous, mental disturbance”

To quote an article from USA Today, “Psychoanalyst and Holocaust survivor Erich Fromm, who invented the diagnosis of malignant narcissism, argues that it ‘lies on the borderline between sanity and insanity.’ Otto Kernberg, a psychoanalyst specializing in borderline personalities, defined malignant narcissism as having four components: narcissism, paranoia, antisocial personality and sadism. Trump exhibits all four.”

 The above article also reminds the public that mental health professionals have a “duty to warn” about leaders who are mentally unfit and pose dangers to the public. This is also a major point being made by the above mentioned Yale psychiatrist, Bandy Lee, who will be giving a presentation and discussing this further with lawmakers on Capitol Hill.

Most people who only watch and read conservative news are completely unaware of what is going on. They do not even know that Trump committed any crimes because he and Attorney General William Barr have purposefully mischaracterized the results of the FBI investigation.

Mueller addressed the nation last month and made it very clear that the U.S. was attacked by a foreign hostile nation and that the events laid out in his 448-page report need to be understood and brought to the attention of EVERY AMERICAN.

This is incredibly serious.

Additionally, Trump has refused to hand over tax returns while under numerous investigations for taking illegal donations and violating the Emoluments Clause. It is illegal for a president of the United States to make money off of the government. Trump is taking our tax dollars and intermingling them with his personal bank accounts and businesses. This is illegal for a reason.

Trump has officially also blurred the lines between campaigning and carrying out his duties as president.


Trump insists to his followers that every single person around him who disagrees with him is at fault, while lying on a daily basis. See this tally, which is being kept by numerous organizations: 10,000 falsehoods in less than three years (the tally has since gone up and is rapidly approaching 11,000 as of the writing of this article)

The American people are getting physically ill from this. This is not a joke. I have talked to numerous U.S. citizens who are experiencing adrenal fatigue, headaches, extreme anxiety, and other ailments from the sheer stress of watching our country get sabotaged by this person and his partners in crime. There are no longer peaceful discussions here amongst people with differences of opinion. It’s all black and white. It’s atrocious. Personally, I can’t even shit in the mornings anymore. I chain smoke cigarettes, scouring the news everyday for a positive step in the right direction but all I see is horror.  I can’t even shit on most mornings anymore. Not going to lie.

THERE ARE CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY CURRENTLY GOING ON AT OUR BORDERS, IN OUR COUNTRY. Women and children are being separated, stripped of their clothes, stuffed into cages, then put into freezers for weeks at a time while wet. Young children are denied solid food and only given infant formula which is designed for much younger children. Young children and babies are starving to death in the United States while being tortured.

Here are supporting links to what this woman is saying. Human rights advocates have been begging for intervention before the new Trump administration decision to move to “military solutions.” She is telling the truth. She has NO REASON TO MAKE THIS UP.

Supporting/Corroborating Links:

Human Rights Watch on the Freezing Cells:


More about the freezing cells:


More about the freezing cells:


Trump Administration is now putting immigrants in Japanese Internment Camps:


Time Magazine: Trump Administration to Hold Migrant Children at Base That Served as WWII Japanese Internment Camp

Washington Post on overcrowding

Realize that these camps have already been violating human rights. Trump did not “invent” these camps; his administration has taken them over and is making them worse.  The U.S. detention facilities were originally put in place by the Clinton administration, passed to the Bush administration, then Obama, then Trump. With each new administration, they change, for better or for worse. Prior to the Trump administration, there was no “zero tolerance policy” that mandated every child be separated from their parents. That was Trump’s idea. And though he said that this has stopped, it is up to the discretion of each officer to decide if the children or infants are separated from their parents.

Lawyers for the government just tried to argue that these children do not need soap or toothbrushes. READ HERE: TRUMP ADMINISTRATION ARGUES DETAINED MIGRANT CHILDREN DON’T NEED TOOTHBRUSHES, SOAP.

And let me just remind you that Trump calls these immigrants, adults and children, “vermin,” which is the same term used by Nazis to dehumanize populations and justify genocide, which they referred to as “extermination.” Here is an article from almost exactly one year ago: Trump Referred To Immigrants As Vermin, Saying They Will “Infest Our Country.” He is a sick man and his administration are literally using Nazi tactics in our own country. Because what did we expect when we took in all the Nazi scientists after WWII!? What did we expect?!?!? This is sickening.

The treatment of these poor people has become exponentially more vile and inhumane and is about to become worse.

Think about what this means.

These refugees are not criminals.

They are refugees, entitled to safety and assistance according to international laws.

They are fleeing violence and persecution in their home countries and seeking asylum and they are being held indefinitely and tortured.

This is beyond “neglect.” This is violent, willful mistreatment of children, infants, men and women. This is on purpose. There is no excuse.

They are stuffed into rooms so crowded that they need to stand atop toilets to breathe.

They are covered in feces and urine.

They are starving. Children and toddlers are being starved on purpose. Adults are being starved on purpose.

They have no beds. There are beds that are being unused—just like at Auschwitz. And the Trump administration had the gall to release an “ad” showing a hispanic woman sitting cross-legged in an unused cell, reading a book with a smile on her face. Like a Miss America-meets-detainee photo-op. THIS IS SICKENING.

They are kept in cages and freezing cells for weeks on end, while wet to begin with—adults and infants. Children and infants.

Babies are being torn from their mother’s arms, often to never return.

Children are being permanently separated from their parents.

People are just “disappearing” while ICE has ceased updating their death tolls.

Next/below is an Esquire article that was published on the same day as the above Twitter thread. This article is describing the best possible scenario for these refugees. It goes into detail about how most of these detainees have not broken any laws. They are not criminals. There are federal and international laws that allow for refugees fleeing violence to ask for asylum and not be persecuted. The article describes how Trump has inserted his own standards and ways of handling these people, with increasing stipulations and barriers that are set to purposefully prevent them from leaving the camps. Last month, 140,000 people were detained. Trump told the public they stopped this and he lied. Sometimes, U.S. citizens of color and people with green cards are detained, even with ID. The article describes how Trump’s administration is purposefully dehumanizing these poor people for the sole purpose of gaining public support while continuing their mistreatment of them unabated. Again, this article speaks to the “best possible scenario” spectrum of these concentration camps and is warning of the dangers of continuing to allow this to happen. What it describes could happen is what Elizabeth McLaughlin openly said has started happening, on the same day. These things are happening now.

Esquire: https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a27813648/concentration-camps-southern-border-migrant-detention-facilities-trump/

Here is a CNN article from June 20th. George Takei, who was held in two Japanese internment camps, agrees that we are running concentration camps.


Here is a PBS interview, “A firsthand report of ‘inhumane conditions’ at a migrant children’s detention facility. June 21st.

The United States needs help from the United Nations. We need people to help us get out of this nightmare. This is a repeat of the Holocaust.

Even the Auschwitz Museum has backed up Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s recent claims that these are concentration camps. AOC was attacked by right-wing critics for stating this, and the Auschwitz Museum tweeted this on Twitter in her defense. Holocaust historians came to AOC’s defense as well:

And 8 months ago, the Auschwitz Museum also took AOC’s side when Republicans attacked her for speaking out about this. Read: The Auschwitz Museum hits back at Lindsey Graham’s Holocaust mansplaining

 Yes, we are fully already running full-blown concentration camps and setting up to turn them into death camps.  The only inappropriate use of the term is that of those who are hiding behind it and denying it is happening.


Those who do not study or remember history are doomed to repeat it.

Our country is under attack.

Trump just announced, on the eve of his official bid for reelection, that he will begin forcibly removing “millions of illegal aliens” from the country immediately.

READ: Trump administration cutting education, recreation, legal help at migrant children shelters The administration’s request could violate federal law dictating conditions for holding immigrant children in government custody.

Trump just ordered cuts to education, recreation, and legal help for migrant children. At the same time:

ICE put out these propaganda photos showing children playing and gardening: People are not falling for these ICE Propaganda Photos

Nazi Germany did the EXACT SAME THING.

They release propaganda videos and photographs showing detained people gleefully gardening, working, and playing. See this video that is available on public record from the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum: Nazi Propaganda video showing detained people working and playing

There is only one reason for moving these poor, already violently tortured refugee immigrants into military compounds. The military compounds are completely closed off to the public.

People are disappearing and families have not been reunited because people have died.

No lawyers or humans rights activists or volunteers can get to them there. No drones can fly overhead to take pictures.

These people are about to be killed. It starts with ethnic cleansing and then it spreads. Please help us.

We are one step away from the “extermination” phase of this graphic below explaining the systematic stages of genocide:


Why did we come up with the phrase, “NEVER FORGET.” We came up with it so we would NEVER FORGET! AND PEOPLE HAVE FORGOTTEN! PEOPLE HAVE FORGOTTEN!

NEVER FORGET. Never, ever, ever forget how the Holocaust happened. It didn’t begin with gas chambers, it ended with gas chambers. It started with hate speech.

And Trump studied Hitler. He kept Hitler’s book of speeches, “My New Order,” by his bed. BY HIS BED. 

This is literally the only book I’ve ever heard of Trump reading. I’m not saying he hasn’t read any other books than the one he kept by his bed—but his old attorney, Michael Cohen, testified under oath that Trump threatened all his schools never to release his grades. This has been confirmed by the schools that did not decline to comment on the matter.

But I do not think Trump wants to “Be” Hitler. No. Trump is a psychopathic, malignant narcissist. Malignant narcissists never truly “admire” another person. They usurp identities of those they study closely and then discard them. Trump wants to be “better” than Hitler.

Or in other words, Trump wants to be worse than Hitler.

What is worse than Hitler? I will tell you what: a psychopathic, malignant narcissistic, illegitimate president who studied Hitler and wants to outdo him, 80 years later with much more sophisticated military technology.

That is what is worse than Hitler.

These refugees are about to be killed if we don’t stop this immediately, and they won’t be killed in gas chambers. It will be worse.

When these refugees are out of sight, the Trump administration will deny that they even exist. This will turn into “fake news,” like every other atrocity that has been occurring. That is the last and tenth step of genocide.

Please Help US.

All of the findings from the Mueller Report in under 30 minutes:


What It Means to Be Brave

Please Watch:

I’ve been traveling this past week and heard that June 15th was the date set as the Impeachment Day of Action. I wasn’t going to protest because I didn’t have a sign and I thought, “Well, I blog and write about it all the time so that’s my contribution.”

But then something changed. I saw a comment online about people being apathetic and I saw how this comment was being trolled by Trump supporters. To me, every troll comment counts as maybe 1/10th of a person, because trolls use multiple accounts. Trolls aren’t real life. I would know this as well as anyone, after what I have been through.

When I went on Discovery, Discovery warned me that they use trolls to spy on their reality show participants. And before I went on Discovery, I blew a whistle on a human trafficking ring that uses trolls. So let’s just say, I am no stranger to being trolled. I was getting trolled before I became famous. Every time I say anything, write anything, I get trolled some more. I have trolls upon trolls who spy on my blog and spied on my social media when I used it, whose sole purpose is to go online onto forums like Reddit to talk shit about me.

But you know what? That means they fear me. For just one little person like me to provoke so much trolling actually means a lot. It means they fear the things I have to say. They project that fear by cyber bullying.

I realized, “Trolls are just imaginary. They are figments of my imagination.” Well, trolls are a combination of bots and real people sitting in office buildings and getting paid to spread divisiveness and mistrust, as well as the now ambiguous term “fake news” and propaganda, etc, etc, etc. Some trolls are just unhappy adolescents sitting in their parents’ houses and trying to boost their self-esteem from pressing buttons. Trolls like to find big words and parrot them to make themselves sound smarter.

Trolls like to feel big.

And we know, after the 2 1/2 year FBI investigation, that trolls are actually very real. They are real, yet they are not. They are real only if you let them control the narrative.

And the truth is, trolls are cowards. Trolls only feel emboldened to troll because they gang up on certain individuals together, in a concerted effort. Trolls feel powerful because they are a part of a larger network of bullies. And groups of bullies try to silence other people. They try to spread fear and apathy.

True courage is being able to stand up on your own and say what is right, what is true. True courage is not needing to hide behind or within a group of other people in order to feel like you belong.

So I went and got myself a poster board. And then I went to the center of the town I was in, parked by the intersection, and stood up through my sun roof during rush hour traffic. I held my sign with the simple word, “IMPEACH,” on it, as high as my arms would reach.

I stood there for hours, completely silent. I stood there with my shoulders back, with a smile on my face when I could bare it. It’s hard to smile when you really think about what is happening to our Democracy. I stood there and alternated the direction I held my sign so that cars from four directions could read it.

It has been proven that protesting works. Protesting works the way the media works. When people see visuals that go along with words and dialogue, they think. That is why TV programming is called programming. Protesting in person has a greater impact because it is real. It is tangible. Protesting and holding signs, as simple as it sounds, provokes people to think. It gets people to vote. It forces people to see.

People were honking. They were occasionally shouting, “IMPEACH!” I just stood there.

I’d as might as well have been naked.

I was standing there, all by myself, with waves of about 200 cars at a time stopping at the light. I felt vulnerable. I have been to many road rallies in the past as one of a group of people. I have organized road rallies and provided poster boards and water and pizza for the protestors. But this time, I was alone.

Was I alone because people had become apathetic? Was I alone because many people were not aware that we were protesting today? I was in a strange town. I didn’t know anyone. I was alone.

A young man walked up to me and started calling me “stupid.” He said, “You’re just eating up fake news, FAKE NEWS!”

I replied, “Have you read the Mueller Report?”

He said, “No! I don’t need to! Nothing happened!”

I replied, “The Mueller Report found ten proven and detailed instances of criminal obstruction. The DOJ policy is that sitting presidents cannot be indicted. Do you—”

And this young man interrupted me again to shout “FAKE NEWS!”

Trump has told almost 11,000 verified lies since his inauguration.

Not wanting to go into the fact that this man was completely ignorant of current events, I turned away from him and stared at the intersection while he kept yelling at me. I was silent.

Inside, I was thinking, “The Mueller Report proved 10 cases of obstruction of justice and did not come to a conclusion because it is prohibited for Mueller to do so. Mueller passed the baton onto the House of Representatives. And impeachment is a process. It goes from the House and then the Senate votes on it. The Senate, run by Mitch McConnell, is stopping every single resolution from the House in its tracks. The Senate is complicit in Trump’s criminality. God, boy, you need to do some learning.”

But this person was being insulting. He was not interested in having a conversation, and I was busy being brave for the tens of thousands of other people in this town that did not have the time or balls to be brave themselves.

I was standing there, representing tens of thousands of people and all their testicles. With the strength and courage of ten thousand bright and shining pairs of testicles, I stood there all on my own.

And then I felt it. It started in my chest and radiated through my soul.




People started yelling from their cars, “IMPEACH DONALD TRUMP!” and more honks ensued.


With every statement, I could feel a light inside me, rising up my spine. I could feel something indescribable. I continued:


Oh yes, I said those words. I said those words loud and clear. And the people around me started chiming in. You would not believe the reaction that thousands of people can have to one lone protestor.

People were practically climbing out their windows to shout back “Impeach him! Not my president*!” Claps and cheers and honks echoed through the streets.

One. Lone. Protestor.

Do you feel me?

That is what it means to be brave.


Bernie Sanders is Senator of the Greatest, Most ‘American’ State in the Country


Ahh, Vermont. One of the tiniest states in the nation, home to Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, most of the country’s maple trees, and some of the finest artisan cheeses and hard ciders in the country. But that’s not what really makes the state great. What makes it great is this:

1. Bernie Sanders. To start, Bernie was elected as the Mayor of Burlington in 1980 and served as Mayor for eight years before serving as an elected Representative from 1991 to 2007. Since then, he has been a Vermont Senator along with Patrick Leahy. Let’s be clear here: Vermonters love Bernie Sanders because he represents them. He represents human beings. He represents people. Love for Bernie Sanders spans across the economic and political spectrums. It’s not just the working class that loves Bernie. Everyone loves Bernie. Republicans and Democrats, Independents and Grass Roots—everyone. Not many politicians have held positions in one state for as long as Bernie Sanders has.

2. You could stand in the middle of any of Vermont’s major towns butt naked, gay/trans/queer/whatever, and smoke a joint,* and not get arrested. In my opinion, this is infinitely cooler than Trump’s infamous statement about being able to stand on 5th Avenue and shoot somebody while not losing support. So let’s break these three things down for a second (and add a fourth point for good measure):

  • Vermont made it legal to be butt-ass naked in public in 1846. However, there are stipulations. One cannot disrobe in public. This means one cannot strip in public. This is because stripping/disrobing is seen as lewd and lascivious. In order to be able to walk around or hang out naked in Vermont, one has to be polite about it. One has to behave with the utmost decorum. One could not grab another naked person “by the pussy,” or commit any other Trump-ish kind of behavior lest they be deemed lewd and lascivious. This may be hard for someone like Trump, but for seasoned nudists, it’s just any old day as a nudist. So I could backpack naked through the streets of Burlington or Brattleboro, as has been done before. I also want to say, the right to be naked in Vermont is to preserve human rights; it is not so people can find an excuse to walk around naked. The point is, you could. You could sunbathe on your porch and as long as you’re not causing a nuisance, no one’s going to harass you. I think that’s fair.
  • Cannabis: Cannabis was made medically legal in Vermont in 2004. It was decriminalized in 2013. It was officially made legal for adult use/recreation last year, in 2018. So this means, one can medicate their cancer at home with some homegrown cannabis and not get arrested. One could also go smoke a joint at their favorite nudist watering hole and probably be just fine, considering how many people in Vermont love cannabis (but contingent on the fact that again, the cannabis smoker is not causing a nuisance*).
  • Women’s Rights: One could walk into an abortion clinic, get an abortion, and then go for a nice walk somewhere to smoke a bowl and decompress. For while a large portion of the rest of the country is openly attacking women’s rights to control their own bodies, Vermont just did the opposite. Vermont did the humane thing. Three days ago, Vermont just passed a sweeping bill to protect the right to choose. Now, let’s not get reproductive rights mixed up with cannabis legalization. I’m just saying, you can do both in the blessed and mighty State of Vermont. In fact, you could get an abortion, decide you’re a lesbian, go home and disrobe, grab a bowl, head out the door butt naked and smoke some weed in the park to decompress while staring at the sky and taking in the humanity of it all, all in the same day. You could.
  • LGBTQ+ rights: In Vermont, you can be you. You can be gay, a lesbian, trans, queer, whatever. It’s been legal to be you according to however you identify sexually, if at all, since 1977 in Vermont. Vermont has one of the largest populations of same-sex couples, actually. In 1999, Vermont made it illegal to discriminate against couples of the same sex, passing the nation’s first same-sex civil union law. In 2009, same-sex marriage was officially legalized in the state.

So, while Trump may think it’s super cool to rape and sexually assault people and attack human and civil rights, I actually think that what’s cooler is peace. Vermont is the epitome of what the United States is supposed to be. The United States was once a great leading nation in the world, and one that exemplified human and civil rights and equality. That didn’t last too long, apparently—because right now, we are turning into Nazi Germany. And I don’t know about you, but I believe that any attack on peace or peaceful ways of life is evil and violent.

Why do so many people want to live in a country that exemplifies evil and violence? Why? It’s so much easier to just be and let be. Focus on that. Focus on being happy. Focus on freedom and justice and equality. That’s what makes humans happy. That’s the way forward.

Be like Vermonters. That is how a real American should be. You don’t have to be a nudist, a cannabis-user, or LGBTQ+. You just have to accept that others want to be themselves and stop forcing your personal opinions on how other people should live. It’s called freedom. That is what freedom is. Don’t get it confused in your head.

Bernie is the Senator of the greatest state in the nation. Let’s get the rest of the country to follow suit.


3 Reasons Why You Should Vote For Bernie Sanders in the Democratic Primaries



Before I start, I want you to consider just how politically savvy you are. No matter how old you are, you need to become politically savvy right now. Start researching politics right now. Don’t be like me and wait until you are almost 30 to start caring or paying attention.

As the FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller stated two weeks ago, “I will close by reiterating the central allegation of our indictments that there were multiple, systematic efforts to interference in our election. And that allegation deserves the attention of every American.”

Reason 1) Trump and his administration have admitted that they accepted Russian interference in the elections and would do so again.


SEE the Federal Election Commission’s Official Statement About This:

This is SUPER illegal. Super illegal. Trump is trying to make it sound like people do this all the time.


Trump’s administration has stonewalled every request from the House of Representatives to turn over any documentation legally asked of them (remember, it is the House of Representatives’ job to investigate the Executive Branch and keep it in check). Mitch McConnell is likewise stonewalling everything while telling his supporters that he is doing otherwise.

Mitch McConnell has blocked so much legislation that the list has been dubbed “The Legislative Graveyard.”

Most recently, Mitch McConnell blocked legislation to block foreign election interference and make our elections safe. WOAH.

The M.O. of the Trump administration is to lie and never admit to anything/lie and lie again until everyone believes them. Trump and his admin are waiting for more Russian interference.

This is called “normalizing” criminal behavior.

It numbs the general public to criminal behavior.

This is deliberate manipulation of the general public.

I don’t say these things lightly. I was once in hope that Trump would be a good President, but he has proven to be anything but. I’m always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am saying these things because you need to hear them.

Reason why this means you should vote for Bernie: Trump and his administration are trying to dig up dirt on Joe Biden, who has a history of changing his mind on important issues and flip-flopping in order to pander to people and corporations. On the other hand, Bernie has a pristinely clean record. The worst thing the Republicans can come up with is that Bernie made some money off of a best-selling book. All in all, Bernie is still one of the least wealthy people in government.

So if you just keep in mind that Russia already intends on bashing Biden, why not just circumvent the situation and vote for Bernie in the primaries? Bernie has the biggest track record for pushing through legislation and making positive change in government. Take a look here. I can say that as someone who grew up as a Vermonter, the state of Vermont loves Bernie, hence why he was Representative for such a long time and is still a Senator there today. Vermonters don’t want Bernie to leave because we love him.

Reason 2) Bernie Sanders is a “democratic socialist.” This is not the same thing as a “socialist.” Today he pointed out, quite succinctly, that Trump “believes in socialism for large corporations and the wealthy.”  This is true.

And why on Earth is any human being defending corporations over people? Why on Earth would you? The blanket response by so many Republicans of “we don’t want free healthcare” and “we don’t want free education” or “we don’t want a livable minimum wage” is LITERALLY A SUMMARY OF THE STUPIDEST RESPONSES A HUMAN BEING COULD MAKE. No, really. Oh, you don’t want a livable minimum wage? Ok, you are an idiot. I’m not sorry for pointing that out.

And because so many of you only watch Fox News, I am going to post a link to Bernie Sanders’ speech from today, from Fox News, so that you will read it: https://www.foxbusiness.com/politics/bernie-sanders-democratic-socialism-speech

(As much as I loathe Fox News and all of their lying propaganda)

Reason 3) Just in, the results of multiple polls showing that every major Democrat running for President in 2020 would beat Trump. Trump’s response? “Fake news.” Of course. He is claiming that these are all fake polls. (Hint: they’re not)

In contrast, I took several polls in 2016 prior to the primary elections that were spammed onto my Facebook feed and paid for by Trump’s campaign. I took three separate polls—correction: I tried to take three separate polls—and they all came pre-filled out with Trump as my pick for President. I loathe Trump. I tried to pick “Bernie Sanders,” but just clicking on another name automatically sent my “polling results” to a Thank You message showing Trump in the lead. There was no opportunity to click the “submit” button because the polling sites were rigged to answer “Trump” no matter what. That should scare you.

I thought my phone was glitching the first two times, but by the third time I realized it was rigged. I’ve had a similar situation arise in the past with a scam beauty product offer. There was a “click for more information” button that sent me to a checkout and none of the buttons actually led to where they said they would lead. Next thing you know, I had purchased something I didn’t want and the “introductory offer” of a few bucks turned into monthly $200 payments for some scam cream I didn’t want. I had to contact my bank and reverse the transactions. But that kind of rigged app or site (and often associated malware) is super easy to create these days, and that’s what Trump’s administration has been using for their “real polls.”

Trump lies on a daily basis. This is a literally true statement. This should scare you.

Trump is like that scammy night cream that you never actually wanted—the one with all the harsh chemicals that cause wrinkles and predispose you to cancer.

Why this means you should vote for Bernie: Bernie is honest. Bernie doesn’t lie. And he’s not Donald Trump.

He’s not Donald Trump, and the Russians can’t dig up dirt on him like they can on any of the other candidates. Plus, Bernie is actually not pro-open borders. So for any of you super worried about the poor Mexican families coming to the States to try to pick strawberries, just know that Bernie isn’t trying to overcrowd the country either. (And by the way, if you are concerned that migrant strawberry pickers are trying to steal your job, that must mean you too are a strawberry picker and then…why in the hell are you so anti-equality and anti-livable wage? Did you know that migrants are being detained and put in cages?)

We spend trillions of dollars going to wars that we don’t need to be involved in. And Trump spends millions of our tax dollars every time he goes to Mar-a-Lago. In an article by NPR, it is stated that “a new report from the Government Accountability Office says four such trips early on in Trump’s presidency cost taxpayers $13.6 million, or some $3.4 million each. That is far higher than the estimates of Trump’s travel costs early in his presidency, which were pegged at about $1 million per trip.” Holy shit. There most certainly is money to be reallocated towards causes like healthcare and education. So please stop eating up all the lies that are fed to you by politicians who have been bought out by corporations.

I know a lot of you don’t want to hear this. Apparently politics triggers the same neurons in the brain as watching sports does. Hence, it makes fans of one side or the other have actual hormonal reactions when they perceive a loss. People become very integrated with their belief systems. But how have you felt in the past when one of your favorite teams or players got caught cheating or using drugs? Did it change your mind about your feelings of loyalty to that person? And did it make you feel weirdly guilty for supporting them? (To be clear, if you ever felt guilty for supporting someone who was dishonest, you shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault how other adults behave. It’s not your fault if you get duped by a con artist such as Trump. But it is your fault if you choose to continue to support corruption when you know it is corruption.)

It’s time that you all wake up to what is happening in the country.


Why the GOP Needs to Join #MeToo

Please Watch:


I’m about to trigger a good portion of my readers because a good portion of my readers are Republicans. After all, Discovery Channel’s viewer demographic is mostly Republican.

The GOP needs to come clean with their abuse. I’m not just talking about how they abuse people. I am talking about their experiences with being abused.

Ask yourself this: Why is Trump surrounded by pedophiles? Remember when Trump said this about Jeffrey Epstein:

“He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.” —Donald Trump

And remember all the instances of when Trump alluded to his sexual attraction to his daughter Ivanka? There are so many instances of this, so I’m just going to post this link:


And this one: Cosmopolitan

And this one: 9 Donald Trump Quotes About Ivanka That Are Super Uncomfortable

So let’s be clear here: Trump has more than hinted that he is not only a pedophile, but incestuous as well.

Still a fan of Trump?

Then of course, four days ago, Trump’s prior advisor, convicted sex offender George Nader, was arrested for transporting 12 videos of child sexual abuse. Those videos included mutilation of a 3 year old’s genitals and 13 year olds having sex with animals (the above link is to the indictment, which explains the videos starting on page 6).

(“The Best People”—Donald Trump)

Okay, check out this Tweet:

“Donald Trump is friends with at least five pedophiles, most of whom were involved in sex trafficking or blackmail schemes. There’s Epstein, Casablancas, Arif, Nader, Cohn. Who the hell is friends with five pedophiles?!”https://t.co/F3ks2lRzKC

— Sarah Kendzior (@sarahkendzior) December 5, 2018

So Trump is friends with multiple pedophiles and he himself can’t seem to stop talking about how hot he thinks his daughter is (and was when she was underage). There is Nader, Epstein, Casablancas, Arif, and Cohn.

And let’s not forget the fact that Trump’s Secretary of Labor, Alexander Acosta, was the U.S. attorney in Miami who broke the law by giving Jeffrey Epstein a sweetheart deal in his case regarding raping over 30 underage girls. More about that here but there are hundreds of articles about this.

Again, “the best people”…

So, how does this tie into why the GOP needs to get all #MeToo right now?

Well, it’s simple. They are hurting. They are so rabidly anti-LGBTQ and anti-women’s rights that it’s blaringly obvious that they are harboring some serious feelings of guilt and shame. Take the Nader videos, for instance. What do you think happened to the 2 and 3 year old boys who were being abused? And what do you think will happen to the 13 year old boys who were sexually abusing animals? My guess is that if any of those children weren’t murdered, they will grow up to be really fucked in the head.

Remember my personal recount about the estimated 100 hours of conversation I had with the alt-right human trafficking organization that preys on women and children? The one that thinks it’s funny to castrate underage boys? Total Nader material, folks.

And my guess is that there are a lot of members of the GOP who have been victimized and later grew up to victimize others, sexually. The thing is that without healing past that sort of victimization, their feelings of abuse will transform into shame and blame. And so that is why the GOP is so anti-LGBTQ and anti-women’s choice. It’s not actually about anything other than preventing a feeling of vulnerability within themselves.

It takes serious courage to open up yourself to vulnerability. Every person who spoke out and shared a #MeToo story is brave, regardless of their sex or gender. The GOP needs to tap into that same bravery. Because, right now, they are being cowards.

For them to support LGBTQ rights taps into a deep pain that they have from unresolved abuse. It makes them feel exposed to not just being closet-gays, but to being rapists. While they publicly ridicule human rights, they are simultaneously partaking in some pretty sick and twisted abuse behind the scenes. Not allowing equal rights is a form of fascism. The GOP is suffering from extreme shame, and so the extreme shame left unresolved and not admitted transforms into extreme blame and more abuse.

There is a deep fear within most of the GOP that if they support LGBTQ rights, they will be admitting that they have either been raped by men or raped boys. There is a deep fear that if they allow women to have abortions, they will be admitting to the fact that they have either witnessed or contributed to the mutilation or murder of young boys such as is described in the George Nader indictment. Instead, they say, “but abortion is murder,” while covering up the fact that they have somehow witnessed or contributed to actual murder of children who have been born. This resistance actually makes them look guiltier. By taking away rights, they are showing that they cannot accept equality in the world and they cannot join the path towards a safer, more equal future for all.

I don’t think I’m too far off here. Think of the long, long history of pedophilia that has been a part of Christianity and all the instances you have heard of, where alter boys have been sexually abused by priests or people in higher positions. Meanwhile, those same people who were sexually abusing people of the same sex as them were condemning gay rights.

Project much?

And here is another point: If LGBTQ rights are taken away, and if homosexuality is condemned, it increases the pull and sway of all the nasty blackmail that is going on behind the scenes. If LGBTQ rights are equal, it lessens the pull and sway of the sex abuse blackmail. Really, politicians should be focusing on why pedophilia is abhorrent and they should be condemning that. There is nothing wrong with being gay. There are a lot of things wrong with pedophilia.

So you get it, right? Politicians A, B, and C have been blackmailed at someone’s house. They hurt or raped a child or multiple children of the same sex as them. They want to do everything in their power to make sure their supporters think that they think that homophobia is wrong, because it hides what they did behind a facade of condemnation. They feel guilty. If they support LGBTQ rights, they feel as though they are admitting something.

So the GOP needs to come clean (and by the way, I don’t doubt that there are politicians on both sides of the aisle who have been sexually blackmailed). I don’t think people just “become” rapists. More likely, they were indoctrinated by someone. It could have been their parents and grandparents. It could have been blackmail after they became public figures. Take Epstein’s antics as an example: he had video cameras all over his properties so that he could blackmail other public figures. So these men (and women) are invited over for a “dinner party” and then are coerced into doing some extremely perverted and illegal shit, and then are told that they are caught on camera.

The idea of slavery isn’t just one that applies to the general public. Someone needs to set these political figures free, too. Right now they are captive to their own shame and are projecting it as blame onto the rest of the world. This is called “victim shaming.” This is why they are trying to further victimize women and LGBTQ and children alike.

It’s clear as day to me. The GOP needs to start sharing their #MeToo stories so they can heal. Until then, just consider nearly everything they blame onto others as a projection of the truth of their own haunted pasts.

It’s not their faults that they were abused. But it is their fault that they can’t open up to the truth and be brave enough to come clean. I want to hear their Me Too stories. They need to stand up and say, “Look, I was blackmailed by _____. I did some bad things, and I apologize.” I would be willing to forgive and I think most of the country would, too, if it led to a safer society.

And as for all the “Q-anon” propaganda? Trump is no savior. Q was started by his own administration. A lot of the shit that Q discusses about pedophilia is true, but it was a rumor started by the perpetrators. My guess is that because in the age of the internet, the truth comes out eventually. And for them to make these accusations prevents everyone from being able to discern the truth. The same thing goes for the human trafficking ring that I wrote about last year. They repeat things that their victims say and they project their crimes outwardly and it dilutes the truth so that people are confused. They are effectually a real-life version of pizzagate, but again, pizzagate isn’t real. Pizzagate was started by the perpetrators. (And I know a lot of Republicans abhor those ideas that pizzagate spread, as they should—but they need to realize that it isn’t going on in a pizza parlor. It’s going on in the houses of those they revere). I never even heard of pizzagate until after I wrote my piece about the human trafficking ring last year, when a friend told me about it. It seriously pisses me off so much that perpetrators project their crimes like that.

It’s a form of deliberate, organized disinformation much like what is going on with Russia.

So what do you think? Should the GOP start coming clean and #MeToo-ing? I think they should. After all, blackmail is a crime. They should turn their blackmailers in.

P.S. There is no border crisis other than the fact that children are being separated from their families and held in cages (more child torture, as well as racist profiling).

The real crisis is Donald Trump and the GOP.


Don’t Give Up on College: How I Got My College Degrees as an Impoverished U.S. Citizen

Please Watch:




Our education system is under attack. It’s been under attack. People are becoming discouraged. They are either dropping out or not going to school altogether.

The reason for this is simple: uneducated people are easy to control. This may seem counterintuitive to what you have been told. Wouldn’t college be considered an institution of sorts, not unlike high school, where one would essentially be forced to adhere to a strict schedule, be brainwashed, etc, etc? The answer is a resound, “No.” That is what I thought prior to going to college.

I went to a preparatory semi-private high school that led me to believe that college was going to be like it. The reality is the opposite. Colleges give students the tools to think for themselves. A good college has good professors, and good professors ensure their students’ abilities are expanded in ways that allow them to think outside the box. There is no strict schedule to adhere to unless you choose that schedule. You can go full-time, double-time, part-time, or even take a single class at a time.

College is a self-paced concept and it is not the same as high school at all. In fact, if you stop your education at high school, you are stopping your education at the peak of indoctrination. The peak of indoctrination. Understand this. If you don’t want to be indoctrinated, you need to go to college.

A good college will teach you subjects in relation to other subjects. A good college will integrate multiple teachings into single classes, such as histories in relation to sociology (history is useless without true context). Or such as, science in relation to current events (like meteorology and climate change).

A nation of uneducated people is easy to control. A nation of uneducated people is easy to further indoctrinate. The reason why Trump’s administration is attacking the education system is because Trump and his administration are criminals and they are lying to the people on a daily basis about nearly everything. An uneducated person can’t read the Mueller Report and understand a single page. An uneducated person can’t read a news article and compare it to the CRAAP test. Do you even know what the CRAAP test is? If you don’t, here it is. (Side note: “libguides” stands for library guides, not liberal guides, for all you anti-liberals out there).

Are you aware that Germany’s citizens elected Hitler? This is because they were brainwashed. They were indoctrinated. And Trump actually has studied Hitler. For real. At least, his ex-wife Ivana said that Trump kept a book of Hitler’s speeches next to his bed. Creepy, right? And historians, citizens, and politicians are comparing the U.S. right now to Nazi Germany. This has actually been a constant, increasingly true comparison over the last three years. Like here.  And here. And here. And here. And here.

Yes, that is right. Trump is actually, really, truly, using Hitler’s playbook while President* of the United States.

The problem with this scenario, other than the inherent dangers of falling into a fascist dictatorship, is that people need educations in order to understand what is going on around them in a way that they can press for the kinds of social change we need to progress into a safe, healthy future. Having an education not only increases awareness, it allows a person to express themselves in a sensical, eloquent way. It also increases empathy. I am a more empathetic person now than I was five years ago.

Not having an education makes you way more likely to have your job replaced by software or AI. Unless you want a job that is purely manual labor, and want to work until you are so old or hurt you have to retire, getting an education will help you. These days, employers consider a B.A. to be the equivalent of a high school diploma. This means that if you don’t have a B.A., most employers will assume you don’t understand how to follow through with timelines and you haven’t developed your critical thinking skills past the level of a teenager. That isn’t necessarily always true for each individual, but it is something to think about. Having a B.A. is like the equivalent of being Nationally Certified in the massage world, except it can be used for something other than manual labor.

Now I am not saying that life experience isn’t good. It is. And it isn’t an either/or situation. It is possible to travel and experience life and then go to school. In fact, that is the cheap and smart way to tackle post-secondary education.

Unless you became a legally emancipated minor at some point prior to becoming an adult, the government considers you a dependent until the age of 24. Yep, 24. So basically, there are two ways to look at this:

  1. If you moved out early from your parent’s house (like I did, at age 16), you should become an emancipated minor if they are not financially supporting you. Unfortunately, no one explained this concept to me when I was a teenager, so I never became emancipated. Instead, I had to wait for scenario 2, which is…
  2. Wait until you are 24 years old or older, and then go to school.

I waited until I was 27. Prior to that, I travelled a lot and partied a lot. I learned a lot about the world. I went to a healing arts school and got a professional vocation that allowed me to seek work and get hired no matter where I lived. (The National Certification for Massage Therapy is recognized world-wide, harder to achieve than its counterpart, the MBLEX, and allows you to work in a lot of different countries and states in the U.S.). My healing arts school was one of the best in the world and cost me only about $10,000. I paid it off by moving to Yosemite National Park and working there, with an overhead cost of close to nothing. It took me about a year of payments.

I’ve never had a credit card, by the way—except for one specifically for dental work, for a tooth surgery I needed at age twenty two, that had a 27% interest rate. I needed a cosigner to get it, and made $100 payments for two years. But after two years, I still owed the same amount that my initial surgery was. Crazy, huh? Other than that, I have always paid cash for everything. No debt until the tail-end of my college education. I know how to live on close to nothing.

But despite all the world experience I got from being a philosopher and traveller, I realized that there was a lot that I did not understand. So I came to the realization that I was passionate about school. This was school on top of other schooling that a Nationally Certified Massage Therapist and Energy Worker needs to continue in order to maintain the National Certification. So I had never actually stopped learning, but I wanted to learn more.

And if you remember that Discovery Channel said I had “extreme intelligence,” that is true. I scored very high on the Mensa certified IQ test that I took as a child (a 139 back in the ’90’s, which was one point below genius); I also scored very high on a Johns Hopkins intelligence test for talented youth (99th percentile); I also score pretty much off the charts for perceptual reasoning. But that doesn’t mean anything without an education. It means I can learn in my weird albeit sometimes fucked up ways from life experiences and mistakes, but it doesn’t make me smarter than the average college student if I don’t know how to read a statistics graph and analyze it according to reality. It doesn’t make me understanding of anthropology or humanities or sciences or anything, aside from what I learn by myself in real life.

If the paragraph above just made you feel defensive, realize this: the mark of true intelligence lies in the willingness to accept that one does not already know everything. A high IQ doesn’t mean shit without the willingness to learn. But we need to have the willingness to learn. We need to have the willingness to accept that we may be wrong sometimes. Otherwise, we just become a society of mindless humans who are easy to manipulate. The average U.S. citizen’s IQ is 98. I don’t even know what that means. I mean, I do, but I don’t. Maybe it means that most of the shit I write blows right over most of my readers’ heads. But a person with any IQ who is willing to learn and push through college is inevitably going to be smarter than their peers who refuse to educate themselves. A nation of people who are too proud to educate themselves is a nation that has been successfully indoctrinated. Thus we are a nation of people who believe everything we see on TV. Thus we are a nation of people who are lied to on a daily basis and cannot differentiate between truth and lies.

IQ, schooling, life experience: none of it matters without the willingness to learn.

And life experience is amazing. In fact, I would say it is probably better to wait until you are in your mid-twenties to go to school because you will find yourself and have a better grasp of what it is you want to study. If you go to school when you are burned out or not ready, it increases the chances of dropping out. So only getting half of a degree isn’t going to help you. You need to have the determination to keep on keeping on.

On hindsight, I sometimes wonder if I should have taken the scholarship (Vermont Scholar Award) that I received in 2003 to go to the University of Vermont. However, I was on my own and not receiving financial assistance from my parents, and I was a 17 year old. The scholarship would have paid for about 3/4 of my expenses, leaving me with $10,000 on my shoulders every year. I had never had a full-time job other than summer jobs and so I didn’t think I could make that money. Could I? Perhaps. But I deferred for a year and went to Japan. Then I came back to the U.S. and moved to Colorado and deferred another year. After two years of deferment, I just gave up. I gave up on college for ten years. I may have dropped out if I had gone to college when I was seventeen, too, and that wouldn’t have helped me. So you need to consider your own personal situation and listen to your intuition.

When I enrolled in college, I was 27. I did five quarters in a row and then took an entire year off to go film Naked and Afraid in Brazil and Colombia. There was a lot of waiting time for those shows and so I took off that year. But then I went back. As soon as I got back from Colombia, I re-enrolled in college and continued. I graduated with a 3.9 GPA for my Associates and got accepted into a university to get my Bachelor’s, raising my GPA back up to a 4.0.

If you wait to go to school, you may find that it’s actually a lot easier than if you went when you were a teenager. You’ll be able to apply world experience to your lessons and classes in really profound ways that wouldn’t have been possible a decade earlier.

There are some real issues with being impoverished and wanting to go to school, though, and I am going to address those for a second. First, college students can’t receive unemployment in the case of a lay-off, and they can’t receive food stamps. Second, for those times you aren’t in college, the cut-offs for what counts as impoverishment are set very low. So say you make $1800/month and are getting a tiny bit of financial assistance, like $150/month in food stamps. The next month you make $1,900 and now you are disqualified from getting food stamps, but the reality is you are spending more than $150/month in food. I experienced a lot of this as a massage therapist, when I wasn’t on the road. I would work at 5 star resorts and make a lot of money (a lot of money for me, that is—maybe $3,500/month) for a couple months, but then it would be slow season and my income would drop down to around $1,000/month, even being on-call at multiple locations 6 or 7 days a week. In the massage world, every spa has a therapist or two who have been there for what seems like an eternity. They don’t travel, they stay in one spot. Those are the leads and those leads usually are mandated to be granted a certain amount of work, leaving all the other therapists with less hours.

This is a problem that needs to be addressed on a sociopolitical level and it needs to be addressed by the people, meaning you and me and everyone else who isn’t in the top 10% of the economic food chain. This needs to change because it leads to a constant cycle of impoverishment. And the fact that students can’t get help with food is insane. The government is supposed to be promoting a better society for all, and that includes making it possible for everyone to get a decent education so we can keep services like hospitals open. The fact that Betsy DeVos was Trump’s nomination for the Secretary of Education and she is in fact so anti-education doesn’t make things better. So again, these are things to think about as you consider how to get your education and what you want to do with it.

So…how do you get an education when the system seems rigged against it? This is how:

  1. Consider moving to a state where college is cheap for full-time residents. Live there for as long as you need to in order to become an official resident, and then apply for school.
  2. Always apply for scholarships and grants. I had two really helpful scholarships in college; one was only available to impoverished people like myself, and the other was available to me through extracurricular participation in theatre projects.
  3. Adapt your life so that you can live off of the Pell Grant or close to it, at least while you are getting your undergraduate degree(s). Is rent too high? Move into a car (I know that sounds miserable), and mobilize yourself. I got almost half of my college credits while living on the road. It was hard, but I got to keep my sense of adventure and freedom. I took a lot of online classes. Those allowed me to be mobile and stay in school full-time. It worked.
  4. Get as many credits as possible from a community college because community college is cheap. It’s become more of a valid path towards education in recent years, especially as a stepping stone towards a weightier degree. Some community colleges are also starting to offer Bachelor’s degrees. Save your debt for a Master’s or Doctorate’s, or the tail end of your Bachelor’s.
  5. If you don’t want to be homeless, pick up work, pick up work, pick up work.
  6. Lastly, and most importantly, give yourself credit. I mean, give yourself a lot of credit. Realize that anyone who gives you shit and thinks you aren’t working hard is probably either a rich, privileged person who never truly suffered financially and was gifted everything in life, or a Baby Boomer who has no idea how the economy has resulted in everything costing way too much and minimum wage being way too low. Check out this Productivity/Pay gap chart and how it’s drastically increased since the ’70’s. Also, this Fortune article “Here’s the Real Reason You Don’t Make Enough Money.”  (This is why you need to register to vote asap so you can vote for Bernie Sanders in the Democratic Primaries, regardless of if you are a Democrat or Republican right now. If you are Republican, switch right away in the primaries so you can give Sanders your nomination. He has been trying to address this wage gap issue for like, half a century and no one has listened to him).
  7. Look at getting your education as a battle, and one that you are going into with the full intent of walking out of. It will be grueling, it will be tiresome, but you will thank yourself later.


You can do it.



You Are Either Loyal to the United States or You Are Loyal to Russia. Do Something. Acquiescing to a Traitor is Literally Treasonous. Apathy is What Caused the Holocaust.

Please Watch:



Bernie Sanders is the only consistent politician running for President in 2020. Vote for him in the primaries.

The United States is being attacked by a hostile foreign government and its military. Please get active about this.

Listen to the Mueller Report Audiobook for Free

Read the Full Redacted Mueller Report Online for Free Here

Watch Mueller’s First and Only Public Comment in the Last Two Years HERE



Read My 2015 Research Paper About Media Manipulation and Its Adverse Effects on Society



Likewise, Biden is a schmuck. The DNC has already decided they want Biden to win and it’s like a Hillary Clinton scenario all over again. Get out and vote in the primaries so that Bernie Sanders can run against Trump! He would have won by a landslide in 2016 and he can win by a landslide in 2020. Biden is basically a Republican running as a Democrat and Biden doesn’t want cannabis legalized, nor does Biden have an aggressive enough plan to combat global warming. VOTE FOR BERNIE SANDERS IN THE PRIMARIES. http://www.rockthevote.org


ALSO READ: Trump’s Former Advisor, George Nader, was arrested four days ago on child pornography charges.

He was transporting 12 videos involving children aged 2 or 3 to 13.

The videos involve bestiality (sex with animals) and mutilation.

Here is the indictment.

The videos are explained on page 6.

This will probably make you sick to your stomach.



Why Labels Need to Go


Okay, there is something that has been weighing down on me. It’s the concept of labeling.

To start, I have never labeled myself as anything. There is a three word blurb on Discovery’s website, which I didn’t write. Discovery also told me to call myself a “survivalist” for the sound bite. *Correction: I have called myself a nudist. I was raised as a nudist, so that has been a label I have used and identified with since 1985.

I was raised as a nudist and have dealt with psoriasis on my knees and elbows since I was three years old. Being a nudist to me has always been difficult but freeing, in that it has allowed me to accept my body for what it is. I need to get sunlight to treat my psoriasis and have been getting UV therapy since I was seven years old. Being a nudist is not only freeing, but necessary so that my skin doesn’t break out with psoriasis. In the picture above, you can see it on my right elbow. I had a nice tan at the time and the UV kills the extra skin cells that are what psoriasis is, so my knees weren’t as bad as usual in that photo. (The dark smudge spots are from fire poi; I had just spun fire on a fallen tree over the Merced River with a friend). I spent the first half of my childhood in New York, where toplessness is legal; then I moved to Vermont, which is the only state in the country where full nudity is legal. I suppose I could ditch the “nudist” label and just say “I am me.” I don’t actually need that label for any reason. I don’t need to hide behind it (pun intended).

I have never labeled myself as a “feminist.” I suppose the reason why I have never labeled myself as such is because I grew up as a tomboy, playing sports and with just as many male friends as female friends. Going into my twenties, I actually had more male friends than female friends. I think part of this is because, like I said, I am a bit of a tomboy. I just am who I am. I blow snot rockets and pee outside. I also have a cutesy, girly side to me too, but you will probably never see it.

Many of the females I have known have been super catty and cliquey, and I have steered away from them. Often times, it is the cattier, cliquier people in this world who are perceived as successful or popular because they have the ability to wear the thickest masks. To bystanders, these kinds of people seem calm, calculated, and admirable. To the people they covertly prey on, the truth is much uglier. This goes for men and women. I see big red flags when I meet people like this. It’s the “nice to your face”/ “evil behind your back” thing; it’s extremely common among girls and unfortunately just as common among women and I have personally experienced enough of that kind of covert bullying to not want to be any girlier than I already am.

And let me be clear here: Womanhood/sisterhood will never thrive when the people who are pretending to promote womanhood/sisterhood are preying on other women to boost their brands/popularity/desirability/etc. That’s what is subverting women in today’s society. It’s not really the men (there are men who are doing terrible things, too); it’s women. Women are kicking each other when they are down because they have this fucked up biological mechanism that makes them hate other women for various reasons, often related to a dissociated sense of self esteem. They need to stop doing that.

So these are some of the reasons, on hindsight, why I don’t really identify as a typical “feminine” type of person—although if you are reading this, you may not get what I am saying due to the fact that I possess breasts and a mostly symmetrical face.

I have never dreamt of weddings and white picket fences. My toenails are usually black from walking barefoot in the dirt. I have never had a manicure or pedicure in my life. I once cut out an ingrown toenail with an X-acto knife and tweezers because I had a ski race the next day and I couldn’t cram my foot in the boot. I grew up listening to classic rock, jazz, blues, and opera—I never was into all the pop bands that were thriving back in the day. I kind of missed a lot of the typical “female” culture because I never fit into it. I played baseball until I was too old to play baseball and all there was was a “girls'” softball team. I grew up climbing buildings and trees. All of my climbing partners, and all but two of my hiking partners, have been men. By the way, those two select females were also not girly-girls. There is nothing wrong with being a girly-girl—I just don’t understand or identify with them.

But after being on Naked and Afraid, I’ve been consistently labeled as a “feminist.” By the root definition of the word, I do believe in equal rights for women—and I do believe that equal rights have not yet been achieved for women. Take the anti-abortion bill that just passed in Alabama, for instance. That is messed up. A woman should have the right to control her own body, and any man (or woman) who says differently is acting against the foundation of freedom and equality for all.

I have a bit of an issue with labels, at least how they pertain to society, because labels mean that other people will put their own meanings onto them and they become ambiguous or diluted over time. The same thing goes for religious labels—people alter or deliberately misconstrue their meanings over time, to suit their personal agendas. You can’t just label yourself something and hide behind the label because it grants you new license to act differently than you would without that label.

Or can you?

I don’t think that it is okay to hate men. Ironically, the only two Naked and Afraid locations that I’ve been to involved only me and men, so the public can only associate me with men. I don’t hate men at all. I actually tend to trust men more than women, and the reasons for that are complex (and in fact may seem misogynistic to some). Another example of why I have difficulty with the “feminist” label is because I’ve been serially plagiarized (in feminist terms, I’ve been “bropropriated”) by another cisgender female public figure (technically, academia would label them as a “microcelebrity” as they are an Instagram public figure) who identifies as a feminist—and subsequently constantly writes about man’s shortcomings. I don’t think it is okay to push blame onto groups of people like that. Calling out one person or institution for doing something that causes or caused harm is one thing, but perpetuating that mentality onto another label in itself is inherently wrong and only causes more confusion to people as a whole.

So post-Naked and Afraid, I have had quite a few woman-haters call me a “feminist,” when I myself have never called myself one. I find this incredibly ironic. If the nature of my existence, which includes brutal honesty, makes me a feminist, then so be it—however, I truly think that humanity needs to come to a place of seeing people as people. Not as labels. We deserve equality for all—all sentient beings. This especially includes impoverished people, homeless people, incarcerated people, and animals. Those groups of people don’t really have a voice in today’s society. They either are dismissed immediately, dehumanized, restricted from the right to vote, or can’t speak human language. Those are groups of people that I personally care more about defending these days.

That’s really all a person can do in this life. Anything else is coming from a place of fear or lack of love.

Everyone on this planet is capable of love. Everyone—even the people who have made mistakes. In fact, the people who have made mistakes are often given more tools to become loving individuals because the truth is that compassion can not be taught, but only learned through experience. We make mistakes, whether or not we were victims in making those mistakes, and we experience backlash and repercussions from them. We learn, we move on. To me, the best way to move on and heal from the past is to practice paying it forward. I have experienced some of the worst cyberbullying of anyone on the planet and I know what it is like to be censored, disbelieved, manipulated, and dehumanized.

On top of this, I have been serially and systematically ripped off by another person—a feminist—who gets applauded for ripping people off covertly (I am not the only person who has been plagiarized by them). It’s hard to explain the level of ripping off that I have endured from this other person without resetting the article to public—it would probably blow your mind. I might reset it to public later, but at the moment I am experimenting with practicing forgiveness and not giving them the free advertising on my blog space. But believe me when I say, being the most infamous (look up infamous, it’s not a nice word) person on one of the most cult-classic television shows of our time has led to quite a mountain of shit to climb through. And it has taught me a lot.

I want to help other marginalized people (including animals) regain their freedoms. It actually does make a difference when you know what other victims are going through instead of merely hypothesizing or assuming what they are going through.

That all being said, everyone has the ability to stand up for whatever and whomever they believe in. What I think is important is going to be different from what you think is important, on a socio-political level. However, all of these things—all of them—do fall under a larger umbrella of an issue that needs to be taken seriously by every single person on the planet. Right now, we are facing an existential crisis and that is called “Global Warming.” Any other and every other push for equality falls under that because we are facing an extinction scenario that involves everyone. It won’t matter what you identify with if the whole world goes extinct. All the Republicans/Liberals/Democrats/




are all going to be dealing with the same inhospitable planet together, and then—


I had a record number of people visit my page in the last two days, and I have no idea why. It has been almost half of a decade since I first filmed with Discovery Channel. Are you coming here to read my words because you saw me on a reality television show, and now you want to push a bunch of your projections onto me? Or are you genuinely interested in hearing what my experience was like and how Hollywood manipulates people and the media? Hollywood manipulation isn’t just a “man thing.” There were woman producers working on my Naked and Afraid episodes, too. For all I know, there were woman editors who inwardly hated me and tried to make me look as bad as possible (hey, it’s a possibility). I don’t know and I don’t care.

What I care about is being firm in who I am and what I stand for. I stand for equality and truth and justice. I can honestly say that I am proud of the person who I am and the trials and tribulations that I have been through, external and internal. I have failed at so many things; mostly, I have failed at living up to other people’s expectations of me. I have failed at living up to the labels that have been misplaced onto me by strangers who don’t know me. I am more than fine with that.

So let me clarify here: I don’t dislike men. I will call someone out for being dishonest, manipulative, or generally an asshole. Sometimes telling (or showing) the ugly truth is an act of love. I will extend that outspokenness to anyone it applies to. It doesn’t matter if they are man or woman, black or white. Call me what you want, but it doesn’t change who I am. It doesn’t make me a this or a that, it makes me Honora.

I am going to leave you with a list of common misconceptions due to labeling and stereotyping:


All poor people are lazy;

most crime is committed by people of color;

people only go on TV/reality shows because they enjoy drama or want attention;

famous people are all rich;

famous people are lucky;

rich people are happy;

rich people are successful because they earned their success through hard work;

economic worth equates to time and energy spent working to survive;

all women are soft or emotional; all men need to be strong;

all redheads are crazy;

all blondes are dumb;

brunettes are smarter than people of any other hair color;

confidence is vanity;

nudists are sexual;

TV is real;

reality TV is real;

social media is real;

all college students are wealthy or privileged;

having a college degree doesn’t matter;

wealth and power are indicators of virtue;

anyone in the U.S. can pull themselves up by their bootstraps;

liberal people are socialists;

socialists are communists;

liberal people are therefore communists;

all Christians are in denial about something;

all people on Reddit are dudes;

republicans are all rednecks;

republicans are all rich;

republicans are stupid;

democrats are soft;

your vote doesn’t matter;

you can’t change the world;

climate change is a hoax.

The above statements are all false. They are assumptions, judgements, and misconceptions that exist because of stereotyping and labeling. While they may be true to certain individuals, they are all untrue as blanket statements.

By the way, if you are here because you just watched Naked and Afraid: what is the meaning of the label, “survivalist?” Well, according to the Google dictionary, it means:

noun: survivalist; plural noun: survivalists
a person who practices outdoor survival skills as a sport or hobby.
“a survivalist’s handbook”
a person who tries to ensure their own survival or that of their social or national group.
“a paranoid survivalist bracing for Armageddon”

Try guessing how many people on survival reality television shows are actually spending their lives as practicing survivalists according to definition #1. More realistically, most of the world’s inhabitants are survivalists according to definition #2. Pretty much every marginalized person on the planet is a survivalist according to definition #2 (minus the paranoid/Armageddon analogy it gives). Aren’t we all trying to survive in some way or another?

P.S. If you really want to achieve an atmosphere of equality for all, there are two things that need to be looked at, in my opinion.

  1. Look at the other people who identify with the same labels that you identify with, if any. Fix issues within your own group/s. For instance, if you want women to be equal and you are a woman—stop supporting women who tear down other women, to start. Misogyny exists within all sexes, and asking men to fix a problem that is simultaneously being perpetuated by women is ludicrous.
  2. Look at the lawmakers involved in suppressing the rights and freedoms of people today. Ask yourself (and them, if you have the chance to) why they are doing so, and what you can do to either change their minds or vote them out of office.

The Capitalism of Narcissism


*This is the companion piece to how another person has been systematically and methodically infringing on my IP for half a decade. However, I have opted to remove the person’s name and presence from my blog, so that companion piece is temporarily set to private. I believe that I made my point in publishing that piece for 40 days and here forth refuse to allow that person to take up space in my life.

The process of calling out another person for a wrongdoing is an exercise in serving as a mirror for that person. To do that is always a favor to the world, to the matrix that we cohabit, because to call out another means to acknowledge a lack of love, and that can make the person doing the calling out feelreally feel—ugly. But it is no one’s job to hold a mirror for another person indefinitely.  And so to seek a path between compassion and right way, right action, I have chosen to walk the line between making the sacrifice of calling out that influencer for serial plagiarism and not giving them any more attention.

I have spent a lot of time contemplating how to find compassion for someone who tries to narcissistically feed on you or your art. What I found was a piece of me that wanted to resist feeling compassion for the person because they had caused me pain. What I pushed forward into was forcing myself to practice feeling compassion for that person. I think if someone spends half a decade serially plagiarizing another person, there is something dark going on internally—what that is, I cannot say. But it can’t be pleasant; and therefore, I do feel compassion for them. Everyone is suffering in some way—everyone. That is why we are here; we are here to suffer so that we can figure out what it means to love. Nothing else matters, in the grand scheme of things.


The Capitalism of Narcissism (or The Narcissism of Capitalism)

Someone mentioned that I should bring up capitalism and how it is inextricably tied to climate change. I’m going to go one step forward and connect both of these things to media manipulation. For those of you who are not familiar with my December 2015 research paper, posted to WordPress in early 2016, titled “Media Manipulation and Its Adverse Effects on Society,” here it is: Media Manipulation

Before I go into all of this, I want you to consider the poppies: The poppy posts on Instagram that involved tens of thousands of influencers trampling protected natural habitats to get a good photo and promote their brands. Those poppies.

If you’re not already familiar with the poppies, please look the issue up. Basically, a bunch of people who have made names for themselves via Instagram decided to break the law and destroy natural habitats around Lake Elsinore and Walker Canyon in the Los Angeles area to get orange-tinted photos during the super bloom last week. The city of Lake Elsinore was overrun with tourists, people got hurt, and a lot of protected habitat got destroyed from people ignoring signs and laws to go lie in the poppies in their sundresses and birthday suits. Examples of these influencers could basically be summed up as brands whose relevance originated and is maintained via a constant feedback loop of likes and approval from strangers on Instagram.

I’ve heard a lot of people throw out the term “relevant” to bash on others, including myself, recently. I’m unsure if this was a concept originated by troll farms who were purposefully visiting social media pages with the intent of “demotivating” https://www.businessinsider.com/russian-troll-slayer-went-undercover-at-a-troll-factory-2019-3 or where exactly it started, but if one wants to connect social media to a person’s desire to be perceived as relevant, they should begin with looking at where the person’s perceived relevance started in the first place. Did it start with social media? If so, they are certainly using social media to “stay relevant.” While every single person on this planet is relevant by the mere fact of their existence, brands are only relevant if they are selling something. And it is brands that are contributing to capitalism, and capitalism in its constant need for cashflow that is contributing to the worldwide crises of global warming, economic downturn, and misinformation. I am a huge fan of the Green New Deal and agree that the only way out of certain looming doom at this point is to promote free post-secondary education and let go of capitalism and its inherent greed. For it is the greed of capitalism that drives the economy these days, whether on a larger policy level or on a microlevel that includes the feeding of influencers’ egos and fanbases. It all comes down to feedback loops and a fear of grinding the machine of capitalism to a halt.

Maybe I feel like my experience on Naked and Afraid and the way I was portrayed to half a billion households around the world has put me in a position where I now owe it to the planet to correct the record and call out all the bullshit that has since ensued. Really, I just care about the planet. I have nothing to sell you, nor would I want to sell you anything because that would be to become the thing that I am fighting.

So, what happened with the poppies is, thousands of people took to social media to call out the influencers who were using their platforms to showcase illegal natural habitat destruction. The point was primarily that influencers were influencing other people to do the same thing. But while a few accounts listened and apologized, took down the photos and made public statements about it, most did the opposite. Accounts actually refused to remove their photos and, instead, maintained an air of perseverance throughout the upheaval, each stating in their own ways that they did not care. One account issued a brief notice on a second poppy photo that she was not aware that it was illegal and then continued to post more and more poppy photos. Another made countless videos speaking to how acknowledging the criticism basically makes you weak, and that one should never, ever change. Her take on it was that critics were inherently hateful—not that they were pointing out the negative influence and repercussions of the habitat destruction for a single photo. The dialogue on both of their accounts repeatedly stated that people who disagree with either of them are hateful, when in actuality most of the hate came from devout followers of the two brands.

These accounts are using the narrative of authenticity to make up for never being open to criticism, and this is being reiterated and backed by their followers who make it their constant jobs to interject on both of their behalves. Any person who dares speak out for mother earth or question these influencers gets jumped on by a hoard of angry teens and women in their younger twenties, seething with comments such as “you’re just jealous!” and “get out of here with your negativity!” The brands consistently go through and delete hundreds if not thousands of comments from their pages, no matter how they are worded, if they touch on topics that would reveal to the average onlooker that they have critics.

It’s kind of frightening how much power and influence a person can have on society, even if they don’t have a college education and never talk about sociological issues on a deeper level than how people look physically.


This brings me full circle here. You either manipulate the media, or you are manipulated. Social media influencers make a living off of manipulating their own media. My experience on Naked and Afraid involved being manipulated by producers, withholding of a medical prescription, specific and pointed questions, and heavy, heavy editing that was in no way in my control.

Media manipulation is relevant because now many of the influencers who have been called out for trampling the poppies are claiming “media manipulation.” Suddenly, they all have the same excuse; all of their hands are clean. Not a single person who posted a photo of smashed poppies under their asses is responsible. No, in fact, they all used photoshop. It was all an “illusion.” One influencer admitted to trampling the poppies, kept posting photos, and then her photographer claimed that she used photoshop. Awesome, except one of them is lying and I suspect it is the photographer. Why? Because each flower carries a hefty fine with its destruction, so photographers and influencers alike are pissing their pants right now.

One would think that the easiest way out of all of this drama and bad press would be to simply remove the photos. But instead, all these accounts with hundreds of thousands of fangirls are doubling down and refusing to acknowledge the public dissent and social commentary. They are holding onto the fact that they are “leaders,” and that leaders can’t be wrong, can’t make mistakes, and would be perceived as weak if they gave in to the pressure to conform to what ecologists and protestors alike are asking them to do: set a good example. And they are being applauded for this. So, the new standard that is being set by influencers is not only to disrespect mother earth, but to never listen to people with different opinions, even if those people are scientists or otherwise respectfully pointing out that their actions are harming the earth. Each influencer that reaches, say, 100,000 fans, has the potential to influence that many more people to copy them. Even if only 1% of a 100,000 person fan base did so, that is still 1,000 more people. Yikes.

Authenticity is a myth, when you really get to the bottom of it all. People are always changing—in fact, are meant to be fluid and change—and if they didn’t we wouldn’t have evolution. The only true authentic self is a being of light that exists on a plane that is normally invisible to the naked eye. To use the excuse of authenticity to proclaim that one’s image is permanently fixed and righteous no matter what, is actually to allow one’s ego to be in complete control. And really, how authentic can any a brand on Instagram be? That’s inherently false by the nature of how Instagram works. Brands are built on carefully matched images and words, together, not too different from a TV show or movie…but completely in the control of the brand itself. A persona on Instagram is the clearest manifestation not of one’s authentic self, but of their ego, especially if they are claiming that they exist solely in authenticity, because that is a lie.


So, where is all of this going to stop? We have come to an age where we have a sitting president who most likely got his position because of the Kremlin (scary), continuously cries “media manipulation!” when the truth comes out, uses social media to brainwash people (scary), and, I am sorry to say, has influenced influencers to do the same. Trump has never admitted fault, ever. He has never apologized, ever. How very different are the beautiful blonde yogis on Instagram who are carelessly promoting their brands via breaking state laws to destroy protected lands for photo ops? They haven’t apologized or admitted fault either. They are claiming “media manipulation” now. They are all martyrs because people are pissed at them for crushing the poppies, despite the fact that they “used photoshop”—and like I said, that is bullshit. You can’t be a martyr in the face of your own media manipulation.

And people are pissed because the entire planet is endangered. The most recent UN climate report has stated that we have less than twelve years to get 100% off of carbon emissions. This has been described as “an all hands on deck moment.” We don’t have any room for selfish influencers. Whether it’s about poppies, agriculture, oil reserves, it doesn’t matter. Accountability starts with each and every individual on the planet. It starts with you and me. It starts with the people spreading influence onto others.



Importance of Words (and Explosive Verbal Diarrhea)


Have you seen the new government-issued climate change report? IT’S RIGHT HERE

Sometimes people put blinders on when they don’t want to believe something because it’s too hard to grasp, frightening, intimidating, etc. It’s pretty bizarre to be living in the current world of human activities and be told that we are heading towards certain doom if we don’t change what we are doing NOW.

What is easier is to be given hope. We CAN change the current path we are on.

The number one leading cause of global warming today is animal agriculture. If every person who ate meat cut their meat and dairy intake in half, we would be living in an entirely different world.

It’s mostly the output of various greenhouse gases from the processes of mass animal agriculture that is contributing to global warming. Carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and methane are the three main contributing greenhouse gases, and they are being released in explosive amounts into the atmosphere. Think of it like, humans have explosive diarrhea, but it’s the result of eating animal products. Gross, huh? Not caring about what we are doing to the planet is like not caring that humans are explosively shitting into the atmosphere at an alarming rate. It’s like we’re walking around with poopy butts, being poopy heads about it, pretending it’s no big deal, etc, etc, etc.

When we say things like “it doesn’t matter,” we are shutting down our ears from hearing what we need to hear. We also plant seeds of ignorance for other people to sow when we speak without knowledge of the facts. Scientific facts. We can ignore the truth, but we cannot make it go away.

We’ve all battled outdated beliefs at some point or another. What do we do? Well, we can vigorously defend our fallacies or take a deep breath and practice loving ourselves enough to realize we were wrong, accept it, learn from it, and move past it.

When we say things like we could use “a little bit of that good old global warming” because somewhere on the planet is having a cold snap, we are deliberately misinterpreting the MAJOR difference between weather and climate (ahem, TRUMP: that was his quote). Trump has a major verbal diarrhea problem. He said this in the wake of California’s DEADLIEST FOREST FIRE EVER, the Camp Fire in Paradise, CA that torched nearly 90 people to death.

Don’t be like Trump. He’s in his seventies and doesn’t care about the climate’s future because he knows he will be dead or catapulted cryogenically into the future like Dr. Evil. Quit shitting all over future generations’ futures. Seriously.

Please think about this, and please consider eating a little less animal product this new year. Every little bit helps, and we are all in this together.

Happy Last Month of 2018,




A Conversation with [People Who Claimed to Be] Human Traffickers

By “people,” I mean GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES. Supposedly. These are people who at least used to work for the government.


***Ok, just a warning: This is another long article about really fucked up shit. Really, really fucked up shit, to be precise. If you do not want to read about it, you can find happier shit on my blog via the table of contents tab.***

I’ve been up in the air about whether or not to readdress this topic, but before I go on I want to make it clear that I have nothing to gain for writing this, other than a clear conscience. I figured since one of my articles has received nearly 150,000 views, why not post about this ordeal again here, on my blog. It’s important, plus I’ve already gone public with it. I haven’t written about it specifically on this blog yet until now.

The summary is: there are some brothers in Colorado, in their fifties, who serially stalk people after posting seemingly harmless Craigslist ads for “Indy films.” They talk about really gross shit, like castration and mutilation. They are or were government employees. Whenever anyone calls them out, they troll them online, threaten them, and smear campaign them. Their victims are mostly women, however if you look hard enough you’ll find they also troll and smear men. This is all important and worth discussing because they talk about hurting minors and sexually abusing them, which is illegal. They use one of their real names and an alias when stalking, and all share the same contact info.

I’ve talked about this for years but thought it should be mentioned again since the #metoo movement last year. First, I want to ask YOU some questions:

What would you do if you had been told by a couple of supposed government employees that they moved sex slaves into the United States?

What if they claimed to hurt those “slaves?”

What if they claimed those sex slaves were sometimes teens? Minors?

Would you turn away? Would you stay silent?

I want you to look at this article, read it, and share it. If you care about people, or the free world, you shouldn’t take this lightly. This isn’t a joke. If indeed these people are still employed by the government, the government needs to hold them accountable and stop this immediately. It has been going on for decades. It is extreme harassment, cyberstalking, and libel, coming from two (or more) men and directed at many, many tax-paying citizens.

I am going to lay down my horrific experience of 9 years ago. I have mentioned this on social media beforeーyou can look on Reddit, search my old username “Nandacast.” Prior to using that username, I went on Reddit with another username and spoke about this as well. I also posted about this on Facebook and Instagram.


The above screenshot is one of those times. Every time I speak out about it, these guys have a blog reply. Their blog replies are super weird and often include naming long lists of women who I don’t know, and talk about the stuff they were talking about but in a way that makes it sound like I or these other women were talking about it. It’s a common modus operandi of cult behavior because it essentially dilutes the truth to an undiscerning reader or observer. They’ve definitely creeped out a lot of women. Here’s a little more of that March 2015 Facebook post, where they lump me in with other women who are supposedly “dying to have sex with them” and call me a self-professed alien something or other. Uh no. No all around.




So this may be time #6 or #7 or so where I am publicly addressing what happened. I am going to leave it alone after posting this. It took me a lot of contemplation over whether or not to compile this into a blog piece. I am using these men’s real names because I am telling the truth and they have broken several laws surrounding libel, defamation, stalking, threatening, andーas they sayーHUMAN TRAFFICKING. They are con artist career criminals and they have threatened me repeatedly.


So I started with Reddit.

Reddit’s policy is if the issue is serious, contact the police. Well, I did. I contacted five police departments, the FBI, and three anti-human-trafficking networks. Repeatedly. In fact, I’ve dedicated weeks of my time every other year to contacting authorities about these people, who by the way are reading this because they have made it very clear that they cyber stalk me and other women who have spoken out about them. The Coots men (creepy stalkers) found my Reddit post and replied to it, and threatened me. So I deleted the initial account after being bullied on Reddit. This was all in 2011/2012. A year later, I went back and looked at the post. Other women had responded and I could still see their responses in the comments section of the archived post. They went by the user names of FilmIndustryVigilantes, ToSirDiana, and HunterAlamo. I contacted these women and found that one of them indeed had a Facebook account and was who they said they were.

film industry vigilantes reddit

tosirdiana reddit

If you actually go onto Reddit and look up any of these posts, you will see a lot of bullying going on. It has been difficult to talk about this experience and have people believe us or understand without all the photographic evidence compiled. Reddit often results in bullying, too, and some of this bullying may have actually been instigated by these men themselves as they are con men and have made it clear that they are constantly scanning the internet for sites where people have called them out.

Before I go on, I want to say that last October, during the #metoo movement, I was contacted by another woman. She owns an acting school in Colorado Springs, near where these people are located. She came out publicly on Facebook and condemned these men for harassing her actors. There was a fair amount of commenting and interaction on her page. I’ve blocked out her name per her request, but she is aware that this blog post exists.




Either she and a lot of other people legitimately have been harassed as well, or they are in on the whole thing. I’d like to think they’re not in on the whole thing, but another woman did send me some questionable Facebook messages a while back:


I mean, again I would like to think she’s not in on this either, but this was my last correspondence with this other woman and it was a little weird. So fuck it, it’s all going up on the internet, everybody. I’m going to assume that “woman A” and “woman B” are good-hearted people and equally peeved at these men out in Colorado, but all of this is getting published for the sake of shining a light.

I am attaching screenshots of “woman A’s” post, as well as others pertaining to these people who told me they are human traffickers. This absolutely is not imaginary or fictional, as you can see, I have nothing to gain by sharing this other than fulfilling a moral obligation. I can not sit quietly or ignore it, and if this happened to you, you wouldn’t either (I hope). I’m also including an email from Gregory Coots’ other brother, Gary, sent to my public email in 2016. In it he asks me to contact him, I do not know why. That’s not happening.  This was forwarded on to multiple people and organizations, as has been all of this information that I am posting.



I want to start by saying that all this began years before being on Naked and Afraid. When you read this, keep in mind that this was all prior to actually working in Hollywood on any legitimate project. Like many other women, I was oblivious to how dark a place the world can be and I was unaware of the proper and usual processes that Hollywood producers go about their business.

I’m not saying my experience on Naked and Afraid was all sunshine and rainbows either, but it wasn’t like this. There are some commonalities, mostly within the realm of taking advantage of people. But this is way different.

It was December of 2009 and I had a job offer in Boulder, Colorado, to run a new massage clinic out of a medical cannabis dispensary for someone who used to be my boss years earlier. I had lived in Colorado before. I was living on the west coast and supporting one of my siblings. I sold many of my belongings, such as snowboards and my bicycle, to buy a 2-door Jeep for $500, and my sibling and I took off for Colorado in that.

Before moving inland, I was looking for other jobs on Craigslist. The dispensary hadn’t officially opened yet, and I wanted to have work lined up. I applied for 3 different kinds of jobs: massage therapy, restaurant, and acting.

I responded to a very nondescript Craigslist post looking for actors for an “Indy Film.” It asked for a few photos and basic information.


I forgot about that post. Six to eight weeks went by. I was in Boulder, and I received a phone call from a restricted number.

It was a person who went by a name of “Antonia.” Their voice sounded kind of manly, but they called themself a woman and spoke with the fluidity of someone who knew a lot about women’s perspectives. I assumed it was either a woman who had smoked a lot, or a transvestite, orー a man. Antonia was ecstatic that they had found my response in their pile, and said they were desperate for an actress for their “vampire film.” Antonia worked for two companies, which seemed mostly indistinguishable from each other: Lartu Vox, and Myelin Productions. Antonia asked me to send Lartu Vox’s Facebook a friend request so they could look at my profile and decide what role I was to play in their film. Please keep in mind that this was years before smartphone and screenshot technology was accessible to me. Otherwise there would be a few more screenshots here. However, I did print everything out, make copies, and distribute them to multiple people and agencies (see above email).

Then Antonia asked if the movie’s producer, “Sir” Gregory Coots, could give me a call. He called me from a traceable number that was also the one listed for Myelin Productions and one of his two brothers, Michael Coots. *Michael Coots also has a podcast that talks about UFOs and gore porn, is an ex police officer, and was (or is?) claiming to be a registered Colorado “psychopathologist” who works with traumatized individuals. Weird/creepy/possibly illegal. But I didn’t know any of these things, at least for a while until I hired a private investigator. He shares all his business contact information with Gregory. He is also listed as a producer for Gregory’s “projects.” As far as I am concerned, he is just as involved in this as Gregory is.

If you research Gregory Coots, you will also see that a teenage girl brought charges against him a little over a decade prior (1999), for threatening her life and stalking her while he was her counselor at a military camp. The charges were brought against multiple people, including the US Airforce, and then the case was dropped. I am including screenshots.

Gregory and Antonia proceeded to take turns calling me that first night. Then they called me again, the next night. And again, and again. They spoke with me over the phone from about 6pm to 4 am for about 3 weeks straight.

Ok, any normal person at this point is probably thinking “why would I talk to these people.” That’s a great question. Another great question would be, “why would two middle aged adults have the time or care to spend so much time talking to one person, and that person be me?”

Right off the bat, Antonia segued from “Indy Vampire Film” to the sex industry business. She said she worked with companies like Playgirl and others. Antonia asked me if I would be willing to do “survey work” for her, as in online and phone surveys, offering to pay me well for any and all time I spent talking on the phone with her.


Boom. There you go. A girl needs money and is offered money from talking on the phone, doesn’t know any better: Takes the job. This is not the first time you’ve heard this if you’ve read my blog.

Antonia (who by the way, has also referred to “herself” as “Diana” to other women, who have since reached out to me via Reddit and Facebook) and Gregory proceeded to go into more detail about their film, which was about flesh-eating vampires. Then they said they used to make porn films and started directing me to all these online links of “them” and Gregory’s days of glory as a pornstar named “Johnny LongBalls” or something horrendous like that. There were links, though I was smelling bullshit. Their “vampire movie” also had links, to a couple meetings with people dressed up as vampires and knights, and one or two super cheesy D-list type of videos of people sword fighting in front of castles, saying lines really unprofessionally.


The bad acting and cheeseball videos gave everything an air of innocence, in my mind. As if these people were just like teenagers in adult bodies, looking for a way to entertain themselves. Like several notches above prank-calling, so to speak.

So this kind of threw me off a bit. I was asking myself “what?” Constantly.

The movie at the time was called “Eye of Noor,” and since then they have changed it to two sequels. None of these movies have ever actually been finished. Recently, they went onto IMDB and made themselves a little page. But try clicking on the movies and you won’t see them. They are great at being internet trolls.

The “Eye of Noor ‘series'” is basically 3 movies that have never been made. They have never been completed. “Eye of Noor” had been a work in progress for several years before they asked me to be in their film. I believe it was all started in 2006. There is no movie. It’s just a front for whatever they do that involves spending weeks focusing on one woman at a time to try to coerce them into meeting them in private.

Here is one response to my Reddit post from someone who called herself hunteralamo. There were a couple throwaway names used by the women who claimed to have had similar run-ins. I posted, deleted my initial account, then went back a year or so later and saw responses in my archived post. I also had private messages from some of these other women. All this lead me to reposting on Reddit. Below: hunteralamo’s words:


Here are two more Reddit posters’ responses  (in partーlast I checked, they were still available in the comments of the archived posts):

A summary with links on Reddit:

These men spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to cover up their actions online. You can find blog after blog of them doing this. They have a tendency to call the women who have called them out “cyber bullies,” in a perverse attempt at reverse psychology. They are sick individuals who are preying on women, minors, and foreignors alike, and are sociopathic enough to maintain some sort of image of societal normalcy.



No, no one is bullying these people. These people are serially stalking and harassing women (and men) and then continuing to do so when these women (and men) resort to calling them out publicly because they care about other people’s safety. THEN these men go online and call all the women who have called them out “cyberbullies” and say we are making all this up. That is literally impossible. No one is making this up. These men are doing these things.


The above screenshot is from Facebook. It’s from the Army WTF Moments Facebook page.

The picture that this poster used came from the following article: https://rockymountainantifa.blogspot.com/2013/07/white-nationalist-meet-in-evergreen-co.html?m=1

I recommend giving that article a read. It is about Gregory Coots’ white supremacy meetup in his local area.

Last year, Gregory/LARTU/Myelin got called out by several people on Facebook for harassing young actresses. Anyone who has ever called these people out ends up having libel written about them on the internet, usually along the lines of “so and so wanted to have sex with [fat, bald] Gregory and we said ‘no,’ etc…”

These people offered me something like $30,000 to do a porn, and then started making other offers that I won’t go into detail about. But needless to say, they wanted me to go meet them in private for an “audition.” I was increasingly shocked and abhorred at the kinds of things they spoke about and was wondering how to stop talking to them. When I didn’t answer their calls, they started posting really bizarre shit on Facebook. It was creepy.

I finally returned their calls and said I would do the porn (not intending to). They dictated a contract to me over the phone to email them back. According to other women I have spoken with via Reddit, they made others also write them their dictated contract. They asked repeatedly if it was a set-up and if they were being recorded.

I also want to say here, I have never been in a porn to this day and I am not interested. But I have nothing against sex workers  ーunless they are posing as massage therapists!! That shit infuriates me, because it usually involves women who have been trafficked in to the United States and are being forced to prostitute themselves! It also infuriates me because massage therapists who take pride in their work have to uphold high ethical standards and frankly, it’s beyond annoying when people make crude comments about massage therapists and sex. Anyone who has ever tried that shit on me, has been told to leave immediately, and/or had the police called on them.

Back to what happened:

These people are good at manipulation. I’ve since talked to other women who have gone through the same thing with these men, and these other women are seemingly intelligent. One worked for NASA. The consensus has been that these people spoke about such bizarre topics that it was confusing and difficult to just stop talking to them, for multiple reasons.

A few days before my supposed “audition,” for this creepy porn they wanted to do (a “real” version of “Eye of Noor,” they said), they asked me to do a “paid” Playgirl podcast. They had me choose a stage name. They wanted me to speak to a boy on the phone with them.

Up until this point, they always claimed to be in different states. But all of a sudden, Antonia was with Gregory. And, they had an Indian boy named Pabu with them. Judging by his voice, I would guess he was between the ages of 12 and 14.

Pabu was sobbing. He was calling me “ma’am.”

Gregory and Antonia, who had told me on numerous occasions that they brought Indians to the United States to use/sell them as sex slaves in their sex industry circles, declared that they were going to castrate young Pabu. They were obsessed with gross acts of mutilation.

They told me I had to talk to Pabu on the podcast, which was for entertainment, they said. They said I had to “command” them to hurt Pabu.

I pretty much vomited on my end of the phone. I remember I was sitting outside in my Jeep, shaking. I couldn’t say anything. Then they took me “off the air” to yell at me. I asked if it was real, they said “yes.” I asked if it was legal, they said “yes.” I asked about the realness and legality multiple times. How any person could hurt a minor in this way in the United States, and they were in the Pueblo/ Colorado Springs area, was definitely not legal. I couldn’t say anything but “I’m sorry Pabu.” I got taken off the air twice more, and was threatened. Pabu was sobbing. Eventually I did what they ordered me to do, which was say, “I’m so sorry Pabu, they have to do it.” Then the two men started laughing psychotically and I heard a “snip” and Pabu screamed, then another “snip” and lots of screaming. I got incredibly ill and hung up.

The next day, I went to the Boulder police. The Boulder police said I needed to talk with the Colorado Springs police. The Colorado Springs police said I needed to talk to the Pueblo police. And so on. Finally, I did get to the proper authorities.

But, these people aren’t behind bars.

No, rather, they are just doing their thing out in Colorado. Gregory actually works for the American Red Cross and teaches CPR to children (see photo)!

Gregory is also a “Reverend” and a bunch of other things that would seem contradictory to this vampire-porn-producer persona.


There isn’t another Gregory A.N Coots in Colorado Springs, everyone. Just this guy.

Also, there was this PSA on Facebook from Fort Carson, which is strange because Gregory supppsedly works (or worked? perhaps should no longer be working?) for Fort Carson, and his dad, Venon Coots, also worked for Fort Carsonーfor decadesーaccording to an obituary.



And Myelin Productions has producers in countries around the world, supposedly. So what’s up with the international production company that needs producers in multiple countries to NOT produce anything final? What exactly are they producing? This is a rhetorical question because they say they produce SNUFF.

Most of the people claiming to work for Myelin Productions  (which is a biological term, so if you Google it most of the results are about the myelin production of cells) are also members of an organization called The Citadel of Holy Orders. The C.H.O. is an anti-Islam militant hate group. Below are screenshots of people who say they are members of the C.H.O., many are also affiliated with Eye of Noor. I am not saying these people are all human traffickers. I am saying that the Eye of Noor movie, and its producers who claim to traffic humans, is affiliated with a militant organization that has many members, and some of those members openly hate people solely based on their religion.

You do the math.

I could go on, but I’m done. I’ve written about this several times. I’m disgusted that these people haven’t been arrested. Even if they didn’t actually hurt Pabu, and Pabu was a miraculously amazing actor who surpasses the acting ability of any and all the adult actors shown on their extremely short roll playing blips, that’s still disturbing. The fact that anyone would say that they torture and sexually mutilate children, real or not, and then turn around and be allowed to teach children CPR skills, is frightening (and yes, this is the same man, with the same phone numberーthe ONLY Gregory Coots in Colorado Springs). The fact that these men have done this serially, to multiple women, is frightening. The fact that they have nothing better to do than cyber stalk people and vanity search themselves online, for weeks at a time, is nuts. The fact that they claim to be government employees is nuts.

Last time I searched for some of the key terms that result in these articles and blog posts showing up, so I could take screenshots, I also unearthed some new material regarding ME. To start, one result was some Pinterest link saying that they used Honora Freshwater Pearls on the set of Eye of Noor. To be clear, “Pearl” was the stage name they had me choose back when they were trying to get me to be in their porn. And no, they didn’t use Honora Freshwater Pearls on their [almost nonexistent] set.


Then I found some role playing group via Fandom, that apparently had some episode seemingly based off of my story. I tried contacting the group, asking where they got the idea of their story from. I was wondering if they knew Lartu personally or had just come by my Reddit posts or something. They did not respond.


I’m not going to try and explain either of those findings, but they’re both ponderous.


I recently watched a documentary by Truthstream Media. They pointed out that people usually get upset when their beliefs about reality are questioned. They pointed out that believing in anything and everything that the government or school systems tell you, without question, is exactly the same thing as blind religious faith.

I love our world and our country for a lot of reasons. But there is some super dark shit going on. And when you hear an ex-FBI or CIA agent come out insisting that there is a human trafficking problem in the United States, listen to them. Don’t just shut your eyes and ears and turn away. I apologize for posting anything here from a questionable news source, but the following screenshots are of real whistleblowers and you may have a difficult time finding much news about pedophile rings on mainstream media these days.

As I mentioned before, it is a moral obligation to use my platform to discuss this organization. “Illuminati”/ not illuminati, I don’t care what they call themselves. It takes a psychopath to even joke about trafficking humans into our country and the sexual mutilation of minors. It’s NOT OKAY. IT’S NOT ACCEPTABLE. It needs to be brought out into the light and people need to know. Their scare tactics are only as powerful as people allow them to keep them silent.


I am relaying this to you not for “likes,” because I tend to actually lose followers whenever I blow a whistle. I am telling this to you because it’s my job to.

Human trafficking is a $150,000,000,000 ($150 BILLION DOLLAR)/ year industry. As a nationally certified massage therapist, it is my sworn duty to report human trafficking whenever I am aware of it.

It wears on my heart every day. It goes beyond a desire to maintain an online persona of any kind for other people to judge me off of. I care not what people think of my image or what they think my image of myself is. I care about truth and rights, and safety and liberty.

Now that the #metoo movement has emerged, I feel that perhaps this story will be taken a little more seriously. Ask yourselves, why or how are these men out there doing this, and why have they not gotten in trouble? I’ve reported them numerous times and yet I keep hearing “me too.” So why has the government not stopped their [supposedly] own employees from doing this, whether it’s real or fake? Or are these people no longer actually affiliated with the government and just saying they are? Is it even legal to pose as a government employee?

There are gullible people, and bad people in this world. Let’s not unwittingly be either of those types of people by ignoring this problem in our very own country and world today.


How Naked and Afraid is Like a Nazi Experiment and Why I Faked the Blackout in Brazil

Please Watch Before Reading ANYTHING ELSE:


Please Read My Pinned Post: HERE


April 25, 2019— In the spring of 2018, in the case Lundin v. Discovery Communications Incor… – 2:16-cv-01568, a judge in the Arizona District Court ruled that Cody Lundin’s signing of an “assumption of risk” waiver did not waive his legal right to sue Discovery Communications for portraying him in a false light in 2014, when he refused to do what they wanted him to do. Because Discovery had acted maliciously, it was decided that certain aspects of unconscionable contracts in reality shows do not make production companies invincible. Here is an article about that. The following fall, Discovery had a win in that trial: You can read about it here. Lundin is currently appealing, and I hope to God that he gets some redemption. Because not only is he speaking out for the same reasons that I am, he actually got pissed at Discovery and threw some shit in the water. LOL. My hero.

But in all honesty: Discovery is evil. What they do to people is evil. They are purposefully manipulating not just footage—but people as well. They push people past their breaking points and then gaslight everyone and manipulate footage to suit their narratives. It is evil. It’s evil when it permanently affects the lives of the citizens whom Discovery is making money from. This is all so Discovery’s producers can keep up their exorbitant incomes, and pay their lawyers. It’s a catch-22 that renders Discovery’s victims unable to pursue their rights.

My story is regarding a timeline that all occurred prior to the decision last spring to allow people on reality shows to pursue defamation lawsuits despite signing certain contracts. This is incredibly unfortunate, as the statute of limitations ran out long ago.

Here is my experience with Discovery:

The polygraph test results are posted here: Results of 2 Polygraph Tests for Naked and Afraid (questions were provided by the public)

mark twain tenaya machete

I want to be as clear as possible: I try to live my life as honestly and kindly as possible. Anyone who knows me really well knows this. As I have said before, I am honest to a fault. I am not perfect. No human is. Faking the blackout in the Naked and Afraid episode in Brazil in a lot of ways went against all my morals, yet at the time it was really my only choice out of a situation which was far more detrimental to my being than anyone could ever possibly gather from watching the television show. However, on hindsight I still truly believe I did the right thing. I am writing this so that I can clarify how fake the show is, as well as reiterate how detrimental media can be to the lives of people who are exploited and are left with no opportunity to defend themselves. It is my hope that in writing this for you all to see, that I can let it go and move on with my life. My happiest days are those that have nothing to do with social media, let alone talking or thinking about Naked and Afraid. I live my life as a healer, a massage therapist, and a gentle companion to my dog and friends. To be seen as a pariah in the eyes of strangers and some acquaintances alike, because they saw a fictional account of a real situation and think they now know me, is beyond frustrating. So here you go…

I was contacted by a casting director for Naked and Afraid. I had never heard of the show prior to that. I don’t watch reality television, nor do I own a television. At the time, I was homeless and living in a truck with my service dog.

Vehicle homelessness: summertime
Yes, I have a legit service animal for legit reasons. She was on the original XL Reunion episode, if you look carefully. She lead our group into the studio on demand!
She is amazing. This is her in Yosemite on a 40-mile barefoot hike we did together.
Sweet and intelligent, like I raised her to be
I mostly grew up in Vermont and am a barefoot kind of person
Mile 35: Feet unscathed
My dog with her kitten friend
They were besties

Okay…I know, enough cute animal photos…back to what happened….

I was visiting my mother whom I had not seen in 6 years. It was about 20 degrees and freezing fog in Colorado. A job seemed nice. I was doing full-time school online,  working on my Theatre degree.

LINK: Video, Yoga in sub freezing Colorado while visiting my mother. (currently deactivated)

LINK: Video, Fire dancing in sub freezing Colorado while visiting my mother. (currently deactivated)

By the way, I actually received a scholarship for Theatre and Opera 14 years ago, to the University of Vermont. I never ended up going because I didn’t know how to come up with the $10,000 of estimated living expenses as a 17 year old who received no parental support, so I moved to Japan instead. I then travelled west to become an herbalist, wildcrafter (someone who turns plants into usable products), and licensed massage therapist, as well as to pursue my many outdoor interests. I would not return to finish my college Theatre degree for another decade, at age 27.

 *So, unlike the other participants of this show who call themselves actors because of this one contract, I actually have been a trained actor and model since I was a child. I modelled for an agency known as Rascal’s in New York City starting at age 7, and was in at least one play or musical per year through graduating high school. I then became a professional nude rock climbing model for a publication known as Stone Nudes by age 20, and have participated in music videos, TV (Always Sunny in Philadelphia) and live theatre (Shakespeare and contemporary) as an adult. I participated in youth theatre companies and graduated from a prep school with a double concentration in the performing arts and liberal arts. My latest role was this year as Louise in The Singing Telegram, one of 9 vignettes from Cariani’s dark comedy, Love Sick. Theatre, music, and dance have been ingrained into my life. (Playing dead or close to it in Brazil was as difficult as getting my father to carry me to bed as a kid, except while being groped, given stomach thrusts (not shown on the episode), and injected with an IV).

Cover of the 2007 Stone Nudes calendar. Taken in Tonsai, Thailand.
Stone Nudes, Thailand
Stone Nudes, Eldorado Canyon, Colorado
On the set of Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Within 10 days of being initially contacted by the casting director, I was flown down to Burbank. I was kept in a hotel to do a series of interviews and psychological testing, and told I was not allowed to leave my hotel room unless accompanied by whomever was guiding me around on their schedule. I spent less than 24 hours at the Marriott. I completed a 567 MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory) multiple choice test which was then analyzed by a psychologist and a machine, met with the psychologist, met with executive producers, and met with a doctor in a hole-in-the-wall clinic in Burbank. The doctor’s clinic was off-site, and I was informed that I was the only participant who was brought off-site. The clinic had a main entrance, but I was brought through a back door and then was examined by a doctor in a tiny office that was covered in thank-you photos signed by a slew of the most famous celebrities in the world.

I was also told that no other participant had ever made it down to Burbank so quickly, that usually it took months, about 6. Not ten days.

I know some of you are wondering why I would be asked to participate in this show. Well, I am guessing because I have been studying plant medicine for over a decade, and because I am an extreme athlete. I am a long distance swimmer, backcountry snowboarder, and rock climber.

Standing at the top of a chute I snowboarded in Yosemite, 2008. This was a first descent with 4 more friends. One of them is Jason Torlano, a pretty well known athlete. Contact him and ask him about the chute if you wish.
Me, playing in the snow, 2016. Alpine, CA. Photo by: Geartooth Photo
Me, jugging up Leaning Tower, Yosemite, while accompanying the late Dean Potter. Dean Potter was a climbing, BASE jumping, slack lining legend of sorts. He was introduced to me by my photographer friend Dean Fidelman. They were besties. This is one of about 80 photos taken of me by Potter. I lived and climbed with him for a few months in Yosemite in 2010.
Leaning Tower 2010, photo by: Dean Potter
Leaning Tower 2010, photo by: Dean Potter
Leaning Tower 2010, photo by: Dean Potter
Sitting outside Dean Potter’s old cabin in Foresta, Yosemite National Park, while he was getting his BASE rig ready for the next morning. He created the world’s lightest squirrel suit/BASE rig fyi. Photo by: Dean Potter

I also signed pages upon pages of contractual agreements, agreeing that the show had permission for “eternity” to use the footage from the show, in any way they wished, that I could not sue them, that I could die, and that they could defame me in any way they wished by portraying me in a false light. I never thought that this would later bite me in the ass.

I was hired. But then something happened: I was informed that my white blood cell count was extremely high. So I detoxed. I ate all-organically, stopped smoking weed and tobacco (I was an occassional fan of the occassional spliff), stopped drinking any alcohol, exercised and did yoga, started swimming 2 1/2 miles a few times a week. And my wbc lowered, gradually. I drove myself to blood clinics at least four times to send the show an update of my wbc. At its lowest, it was still 10,000, which is usually the high point for most people. My guess was that I either had something seriously wrong with me, or it was the fact that I have two autoimmune diseases, which cause high wbc’s. I contracted Lyme disease at age 3, in 1988 while living in Bedford Hills, New York, and it was misdiagnosed for nearly a year. I used to wake up paralyzed and have spent nearly my entire life dealing with it, though memories prior to having it are few to none; to me I am just “me,” not someone who suffers from Lyme. This, as well as the onset of psoriasis at age 4, is why I got into holistic healing at a young age.

(If you were referred here from Reddit, please lookup the Merriam-Webster definition of “detox.” It does NOT mean to lose weight. It means to rid the body of toxic substances.)

So this period of time delayed my flight to who-knows-where. Initially, they wanted to send me to Brazil. But the delay resulted in another woman getting sent there. She and my partner met and she turned around without filming. So this again delayed the show. Simultaneously, the World Cup was going on and so visas and plane tickets were slow to obtain. By the time I was cleared to go by the doctor, the initial shoot time for the episode had been delayed by weeks, if not over a month. I was sent a bottle of Malarone, an anti-malaria medication, by the doctor’s clinic in Burbank and told to start taking them two days before flying to Brazil.

On the flight to Brazil, or in the hotel, I got head lice. I arrived there and felt the beginnings of an itchy scalp within one night, about two days before starting the show. I immediately told a medic, who upon examining me said I had literally just gotten head lice, probably on the airplane. I was given lice shampoo and used it twice before we began the show. To be as safe as possible, I shaved all my body hair from the neck down. I prayed that this wouldn’t cause an early tap-out.

Jim Morton, producer for my episode in Brazil, likes to constantly remind me of how effective my body products are. I have been a certified medicinal herbalist, wildcrafter, and aromatherapist of medical-grade plant derivations for 11 years. This of course was given no mention or “credit” in any part of the episode, thanks to the editors sitting in their LA offices.

I’d like to point out that Jim has been a reality show producer for 20+ years. He produced the Anna Nicole Smith show. He makes a living off of exploiting people so he can live in a mansion with tennis courts and pools with his second wife who he fondly refers to as “The Upgrade.” His whole “credit where credit is due” line is the biggest lie in reality show history.

My partner and I each brought four survival items with us to Brazil, which is standard for the show (reminder: the early seasons such as this one only allowed one item per person, not one and a half). He brought four knives, and I brought a water filter and three knives. Production decided against the filter and asked each of us if we’d be willing to bring a fire starter. I agreed and said that my father had recommended a magnifying glass right before he passed away. The producers loved this concept, as well as the potential story line that they could then follow. So they sent a production assistant to town to find a magnifying glass. The PA returned with one, as well as a flint on a key chain, and I was told to pick one. Obviously, the glass, as the key chain flint was a joke.

Yes, magnifying water with glass uses the sun to kill microbes. To be more exact, it scrambles the DNA of bacteria and viruses. Protozoa can not be treated this way.

They had us start in the afternoon, informing us that we were to spend the night on the way to the permanent location somewhere in the dunes. This was supposed to be more entertaining for the viewers. We were also told that we would have to redo a lot of Day One’s shots, as Day One and Day 21 were very “Hollywood,” complete with retakes to get perfect shots and cameramen and helicopters flying around. So we did our thing and spent the first night in the dunes with no shelter and no time to set one up. My partner and I couldn’t really sleep that well so we spent most of the night talking and at one point were huddled back-to-back practically sobbing because the wind and the fine quartz sand in our eyes hurt so bad. Then it would rain off and on because the coast was only miles from us, and coastal storms would bring torrential rain to the dunes on a daily or every-other-day basis, which is where the lagoons came from.

On Day 2, we were exhausted. We’d just been exposed to the elements purposefully to give everything more of an edge. We were hungry. And I was taking Malarone, which causes quite a few serious side-effects, so extreme that many people opt out of taking it and risk the chance instead of getting Malaria. Malarone causes intense, lucid nightmares, nausea, weight-loss, dizziness, moodiness, dehydration, emotional swings, and hyper-photo sensitivity (sensitivity to the sun). My partner, however, was never told he should take Malarone. Instead, he had managed to finagle a twice-daily administered Adderall prescription.

LINK: Side effects of Malarone

Malarone from the show’s doctor, Dr. Mesrobian

Leftover Malarone from Brazil episode
Leftover Malarone from Colombia episode

So on Day 2, we were told that we needed to camp in a certain part of the oasis, if you want to call it that (please don’t for a second think that an oasis equates to heavenly and fulfilling). My partner and I spent several hours building our shelter together. The film crew set up a tripod and later edited the footage to make it look like he built the shelter by himself, which is not true. We spent hours collecting materials and making cordage together, then tying the cross beams together. For days following that, we were always working on perfecting our shelter together. The floor was very slanted, and I spent about an hour using my legs to flatten it out, while he rested, prior to even building the walls. But the episode’s narrator says he built it while I fell asleep in the sun, which was not true. We each took about an hour off from building the shelter. The show never showed me working on it by myself. Later, the show added a clock at the bottom of the screen to make it look more factual, like he had built it by himself in a certain amount of time, though the footage is actually cut and spliced to make a time lapse. So the clock is just an ingenious way of making it look more realistic, because a person will watch the scene and see the seconds moving, even though my partner is jumping around. They are VERY GOOD at manipulating footage.

On a daily basis, the contestants are asked to step aside to conduct On The Fly interviews (OTF’s). In our case, we would need to trudge up and over a sand dune every time this happened so we could get away from earshot of our partner. Every time I was interviewed, I was asked questions about my father who had passed away a few months earlier. I was asked pointed and personal questions. I was also told to repeat my words every time I referred to the magnifying glass as “the magnifying glass,” and told to repeat and call it “my dad’s magnifying glass.” This was something I agreed to at first, because I have studied theatre my entire life. So to me, I was appeasing the producers by showing them what a good actor I was, which they were asking me to do. But over time, this was a very emotionally unnerving act that actually affected me very deeply, as my father’s death was so recent and I was still deeply mourning.

Side note: Though we were a couple hours drive from town, the town was only miles away over the dunes. Every night, a part of town had a block party and would bump really loud beats which carried over the dunes. You might think this would be cool, which it was at first. But then we realized that the DJ would play the same beat for hours on end, so we would hear this techno or reggae beat off in the distance for hours at a time. The music never stopped before 4 am. So between the music and my partner’s Adderall-induced chattiness, I literally could never find a place with quiet unless I wandered off by myself. This is kind of an odd thing to occur whilst out surviving “in the middle of nowhere.”

On a daily basis, the producer asked my partner and I to talk about growing tensions that he could observe. He said it was obvious. The producer knew very well that I was pissed that my partner was taking amphetamines and sitting on his butt all day. He would sit there and talk a lot. He would get quiet only hours after each time he was given a pill. Meanwhile, I was administered Malarone every morning, along with a 5-calorie piece of Magic Toast (some Brazilian cracker made with lots of air). I also got a bladder infection on Day 2, and was given a week of Ciprofloxacin to take care of it. That sometimes came with a sip of water.

Now, before I go on, I want to discuss the meds. One of the producers kept telling me that I didn’t need the Malarone, and that no one else there was taking it. She told me that I should stop taking it and that if I did, I also needed to say into the camera “I am choosing, by my own choice, to stop taking Malarone because….” However, I was not comfortable with this. I wondered why I was told to take it and my partner was not. I did not know how it would affect me if I stopped taking it, if it would make me more prone to Malaria because of the sudden cessation. The water was also rife with cysts, which are not killed by UV water treatment (only bacteria and viruses are). Knowing that Malaria is caused by a protozoa, which is what cysts are, I took my chances that perhaps the Malarone would help protect me against them. There was so much animal feces in the lagoons (mostly rodent and pig poop from nearby farmers) that every single cup of water had at least one cyst floating in it. And that stuff can get in your brain, which is serious. So I decided not to stop taking it, and see what happened. I will never know if any of that was deliberate on production’s part, but I do see an obvious gross oversight that my partner was never told to take Malarone while I was, and that the Malarone itself came from the show’s special hole-in-the-wall doctor in Burbank. I actually said I would stop taking it if I did not have to say into the camera that it was entirely my own choice, but they said no.

So, after a week of being asked to talk about why my partner was bothering me, but not in a way that actually had to do with why I was mad because production was tired of hearing me complain about his amphetamines, I caved. I guess my partner was also getting the same kinds of questions in his OTF’s, which we discovered later (so yes, the production team is trying to get us to react to each other). On Day 8, after the producer had said several times that I should confront my partner, I did. This resulted in a long conversation, which led to an argument where we were both saying horrible things to each other. Keep in mind that we had been eating very few calories on a daily basis, probably less than 200 a day, and the human brain needs about 400 calories a day in order to not cannibalize itself (I had no fat reserves left, and yes this is what happens when ketosis is prolonged,  your body eats its own muscle and organ tissue). We had headaches, and we weren’t getting electrolytes either because the berry bushes were all unripe as a result of the whole episode being delayed for so long. The coconuts were all harvested by the locals, who had rights to the land and would often be nearby playing soccer or hanging out in the lagoon. There was nothing. The locust that my partner gave me was after I had gone hunting for locusts for days, and it fell on a cameraman who gave the locust to my partner and told him to give it to me. This same cameraman was also constantly feeding us ideas to make things more interesting.

So the argument that gets shown isn’t an argument at all, it’s just a tiny spliced part of an entire conversation that led to a two-way argument, and it’s just the part where I am retaliating to my partner and calling him names. He had just called me a bunch of names. But what is shown makes me look like I just verbally accosted him for no reason. Then the show cuts to a commercial and returns and shows the same scene all over again, just to remind everyone how evil I am by calling my partner fat and stinky.

After this argument occurred, the producer was ecstatic. He told me on a daily basis that he loved it, that Discovery would love it, and it would definitely make the cut. Basically, he had convinced me to get into an argument and then reminded me daily that it was going to be used.

I remember feeling so fucking used after that argument happened. I was so hungry, too. I went to the lagoon, where I went on a daily basis to forage. I had had a dream about finding a bird’s nest with three eggs. So I go, and I hear these birds chirping and I see a nest in a tree coming out of the lagoon. I climbed the tree and there was a nest with three baby blackbirds in it. One crawled out and the other two stayed. I was so ravenous, delirious, angry, like a wild animal. I used a small stick and my fingers to snap the necks of the two remaining birds, all while their mom was behind me, flapping her wings in mid-air and squawking at me. It was the most horrifying thing I have ever done. I wanted to die. I hated killing these things without a knife, but I knew I needed the calories because my brain was getting cannibalized. They wouldn’t completely die. It was so heartbreaking. I brought them back to camp, trying to drown them in the lagoon while I was walking, feeling so guilty that their death was not quick. I brought them back, finally dead, and the cameramen stopped filming my partner trying to make a charcoal tattoo and came over to me as I cleaned these things with my bare hands and a twig. They looked like two little mini chickens, so perfect. I skewered them on a stick and used the glass to cook them. But here was the problem: the sun went down there at 6 pm, as it was right on the equator. When I got these birds, it was well past 4 pm. So in the time I had with the sun, they only cured about half-way. They obtained this nice reddish-brown color on the outside but the inside was still raw. I tried desperately to start a fire with the magnifying glass, but the wind had picked up and the sun was setting. A fire meant digging a hole in the sand to block the wind and the sand was wet from a recent rain. I tore apart my palm leaf shirt for kindling and it kept almost happening. So many sparks, it was so close. The cameras were right there, too, in my face, and the cameramen witnessing this almost happening. But I failed. So I wrapped the birds in several layers of palm leaf and buried them in the wet sand, about three feet down, in an attempt to save them through fermentation, as more rain was coming. The next day, they smelled rotten. They ended up being the bait in a fish trap I wove, which was also never shown.

LINK: How starvation affects the human brain (I am adding this link in response to the armchair experts on Reddit and elsewhere who have claimed that the brain does not cannibalize its own tissue. It does.) 

And another link…

After that, I started going to the lagoon every day to look for food. Like I mentioned earlier, I am a long distance swimmer, so movement through water for me is very effortless, much less calorie-dependent than walking on fine sand dunes in the sun. I would search for berries. I found a total of 5 coconuts in the lagoon during my time in Brazil. The first two were found on the same day, after basically being told where they were by the producer. I had to wonder how he knew, but it became obvious to me later as I repeatedly saw members of the crew with wet shorts. The first two coconuts were shared with my partner. If you don’t believe me, check out my Facebook, as there is a photo there of us sitting on the mats I wove eating coconuts together. That photo was only a day or two after our big “divorce,” as they named it.

Sharing coconuts that I found with my partner. This was when we “weren’t talking.” Never shown on the episode.
Eating a coconut while Matt went on a long, multiple-hour walk without telling anyone. The footage takes audio from a different day and makes it seem like he was right there when I ate this.

I also found moriche (in Brazil they are called buriti) floating in the water on two occasions. Most of those were shared with my partner until I had finally decided he was on his own, which was another concept purposefully brought up by production and the cameraman who liked to give us ideas. The orange stain on my mouth during the “tap-out” scene is from buriti fruit. It’s super high in beta carotene.

I also started collecting one of the types of unripe berries and putting them in a basket I made, in the shade, and discovered that they ripened to the point of fermentation that way.

I performed a 24-hour toxicity test on the cacti which was growing around us. This involved not eating anything else and meticulously waiting through each step of the test, before we concluded that it was edible. Again, this would have been prime material for educational purposes and it was all documented on camera— but if it isn’t clear yet, they deliberately omitted every bit of actual survival-related footage in exchange for creating a fake storyline based around drama. Instead, they just show a quick shot of Matt cutting a cactus down and eating it as if it were his own private food source. No mention of me making sure it wasn’t poisonous for him.

I made charcoal and started putting it in between my teeth (there were no hollow reeds sturdy enough to make a straw) while sipping water from the lagoon that had not been treated with UV. This way, I could avoid the sun to purify my water (and on that note, I actually was carrying a palm to use as a shade device in the early days when I was using the magnifying glass to treat the water).

When my partner and I split up our shelter, I opted to dig myself a grave-shaped hole, which is funny in a way because I did actually feel like a dying animal. The hole was about 7 feet long and a couple feet deep, and I covered it with a palm frond roof so that I could lay in it and stay dry and safe from the wind. It actually worked really well, too bad they never showed that either.

The producer told me several times that I had done more than any other female had ever done on the show. So later, after about two weeks when I started to say several times that I wanted to tap-out, he also informed me that if I consciously tapped-out the story would be completely altered and would be, and I quote: “that toad’s story.” He warned me about this. Keep this in mind.

The main reason I wanted to tap out was because I started to lose control of my bladder. My metabolism was way too high to start out (my partner had it right with gaining a bunch of fat beforehand). I was too fit. This is actually why I appear very chubby later in XL, because I purposefully gained over 30 lbs of pure fat and slowed my metabolism way down before going to Colombia.

So, I was peeing myself. I would drink nearly a gallon of water a day at times, but it just trickled out. I would sit there in the sand next to the camera crew and my partner sometimes, listening to him chit chat with them, and drink water and pee straight into the sand. I was really a mess. I wanted to tap out. Seriously, I needed to tap out. And yet I felt so used, so manipulated. To the very core. Everything. Made. Me. So. Pissed.

And then the producer told me that he would let me redeem myself by making a televised apology to my partner for calling him fat and stupid and smelly earlier. But he wanted me to wait until the next day, when the lighting was good. When the crew left, I had a personal talk with my partner, told him how I felt, that I was sorry, and that we were going to have a stupid redo of the apology the next day for the camera crew, which was ridiculous. I wanted him to know that I was really sorry, especially for the fact that we had to do a televised apology the next day, and was just trying to be real with him. So we forgave each other the day before what was televised.

We filmed our apology on Day 16 (the show says 15) and then I went searching for coconuts to no avail. I returned, and then the crew left for their late lunch break. While they were gone, I realized I needed to get the fuck out of there. I was terrified about the next few days, mostly because my body was shutting down. My muscles were so cramped that it would sometimes take me an hour to move from laying position to sitting or standing, and then I would get dizzy. The only real place where my muscles did not hurt was the lagoon, where I could suspend myself in water. So while they were gone, I walked to a spot in the dunes to lay down, I actually let myself fall down, and just stayed there for about a half an hour. Nobody came, so I walked a little closer to camp and did the same thing. My partner called me, came over to me, and called the medic on the radio.

I pretended to be basically catatonic. I let my body go limp, because honestly it was pretty close to that point anyways. They had been checking my blood sugar at least once a day, and it was wavering around 40-60, which is incredibly low for a person. I was pretty close to going into a coma for real. So being limp and playing dead actually felt amazing, in that I was going to get to leave there and I didn’t have to take one more fucking step in that fine, fine sand. I had taken enough extra steps for these people, both literally and figuratively.

I remember feeling one of the female PA’s divine breasts on my head as she held me and they administered an IV in my arm in the dunes. The medic was pushing on my chest and I let myself cave in and let them just keep doing whatever they needed to do, including allowing all the air to come out of my mouth when they did this. I just let my body do what it did being completely limp. Then they got a stretcher out after making the final decision to get me out (which took quite a bit of questioning and requestioning between the producer and the medic). I remember the boom technician was walking on my left side as I was laying on the stretcher, freaking out about the IV that kept coming out of my arm as the poor camera crew carried me out of the dunes, which was quite a hike from where we were camped to where the jeep could get to.

Then the entire ride to the hospital, over the dunes and through the jungle, over the ferry and through the village, they were totally focused on getting the right shots. I remember trying not to laugh when the producer asked if the camera was rolling before going on about what was happening, then he said something like “I think I just lost a piece of my soul.” I remember hearing what a great job the camera guy was doing as he was hanging out the open-sided jeep and filming the epic tap-out. Someone kept pinching one of my nipples.

By “fleshy part” on the “side,” Jim is referring to my areola. No, that part of the female nipple does NOT hurt like a motherfucker. And while he may have access to the 10,000+ minutes of footage, I have none. This was NOT something that was shown on the episode. It is also NOT a paramedic technique, to pinch an unconscious woman’s areola. And no, what is wrong is creating a situation and argument from two people who are otherwise getting along, then using that argument against them.

The producer was joking about pizza and beer. I just did my best to let my eyes roll back and keep a straight face. And the poor medic, who could never say my name right, I felt the worst for him. Because, he was really a good guy, so sweet, and I truly felt bad hearing the fear in his voice that I was almost dead.

When we arrived at the hospital, they moved me inside and then the local doctors stuck another IV in me. Only this time, they missed my vein (I was really dehydrated). My arm started to swell up like Akira. This had happened to me once before, when I was an 18 year old living in Japan and had thumb surgery without anesthesia. It’s excruciatingly painful. That was when I opened my eyes and let myself just fucking scream. It was really a scream that I had wanted to let out for weeks, 16 days to be exact.

They kept me in the hospital overnight, wearing a diaper that I kept peeing in and in a room with other patients and a nurse who was blowing snot rockets on the ground and picking her wedgie and then touching our IV’s again without washing her hands. The show says I walked out of the hospital within hours, with a smile on my face (which was from the producer saying a joke to me at that moment, the following day, to get me to laugh for the camera). If you can keep in mind that the sun goes down at 6 pm, the footage is obviously flawed, as I would not have walked out of the hospital a couple hours later in broad daylight. No, I was picked up by the producer the following day, after a full night of glucose and saline IV’s and two pints of beef stew, which I actually inhaled in the hospital bed.

When I was weighed the next day, I had had a loss of 16 lbs, but the reality is that I probably lost much more than that, as they had not weighed me upon immediately leaving the dunes. 18-20 hours of IV’s and two pints of stew, a bunch of cookies and crackers later, they estimated that I had a loss of 18 lbs, but we will never really know. In 16 days, either way, that is a lot for a small person like me.

So there you have it. I spent the next several days in a hotel, waiting for my partner to get out, eating cookies and doing diary cameras, feeling kind of guilty and incredibly relieved. My partner could barely walk when he made it out, probably because he was soldiering on with no nutrients and a bottle of amphetamines.

Then they had us reunite and filmed me talking about my response to the producers asking me “How does it make you feel knowing that your partner carried your father’s magnifying glass all the way out of the dunes for you?” To which I replied by turning on the water works.

I find it so funny, as someone who does not identify with any particular religion, that such a Christian-rooted sense of guilt versus honor seemed to be so deeply ingrained in the producers’ interview questions, especially considering that they were continuously asking me to use my dad’s name in vain, literally.

Why did I do the XL show?

So, after my episode aired that following September, I was getting all sorts of death threats and I was devastated from how they had portrayed everything. I honestly think that when they know something negligent has happened on their part, they will throw the contestant under the bus in the edit so as to control their ability to speak up and actually be heard on social platforms. This has seemed truer as time has gone on, the more I hear from other female contestants that they were being sexually harassed by their partners, complained to the producers, and nothing was done about it. If the contestant gets a bad edit, then in the case that they try to speak up, people see them as untrustworthy or evil and chose not to listen or believe what they say.

I went off on social media and said what really happened after my first episode. I talked about everything. Discovery retaliated by not allowing me to do the scheduled Facebook live Q&A, as well as threatening me repeatedly with lawyers. Then they showed a Bares All episode that used footage of me in the shower using lice shampoo, talking about lice, and audio that was recorded out in the desert months later. The audio was my response to a producer specifically asking me about why I shaved my pubic hair. The way they portrayed it on Bares All implied that I had pubic lice, or pubic bugs. I was mortified.

I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do to defend myself, and that Discovery could keep using the footage however they wanted to. If they felt threatened by me, they would surely keep sabotaging me like this with the pubic lice kind of stuff they were doing. Terrified, I wrote Discovery Channel an apology letter for speaking out on social media, saying I hoped there was a way we could all save face, and thanking them for the experience in Brazil (this is making me nauseous writing this).

Within a day or two, I received a request from the production company to partake in the XL episode. I found this to be both bizarre and creepy. I actually had the thought that they wanted me to die. But they were offering me $23,500 if I completed the challenge, which was more money than I had ever had in my life. As someone who lives at poverty level much of the time, this is really a difficult offer to say no to.

So I detoxed, gained weight, ate tons of food, slept a lot. Did some yoga, meditated. Worked. A lot. Saved thousands of dollars for rent while I was gone, as well as a dog-sitter. I also desperately tried to remove the red hair dye I had put in my hair to disguise myself in real life from all the people who were recognizing me. I showed up in Colombia the following February for XL. This time, I came armed with a doctor’s note for salt and electrolytes. I had been  randomly pissing blood (and still do), most notably right before leaving for Colombia, and my doctor said it could have been from the severe dehydration I had experienced in Brazil, what with losing control of my bladder and such.

But the producers came into my hotel room a couple days before we started the show and told me that they could not honor my prescription. They said that we all knew that my partner in Brazil had bypassed the system with his amphetamine prescription, which was why they edited my episode the way they did, they said, and that my prescription would be equally unfair to the other contestants.

They gave me the option to go home, or do the show without my doctor’s prescription. This scared me, for multiple reasons. But I could not go home empty handed, if for any reason other than that I literally would not be able to pay rent if I did not try to make some money on the show. I had already been taken off my work schedule by my employer.

On Day 1 in Colombia, one of my partners informed me that one of the other contestants was allowed to take B-vitamins, specifically as a mosquito-repellent, and as a substitute for Malarone (she has confirmed this with me). Malarone again had been given to me and some–not all– of the other contestants. Then we discovered that our third partner had two bottles of homemade tincture that his brother had made him, labeled, “[His brother’s name]’s Blend.” He told us he also got to take this on his first challenge, and that it had a bunch of mosquito-repelling herbs, nice alcohol, and fish oil so he could get all his aminos. He was allowed to take this at-will, as it was always in our camp’s dry bag, off-camera, where we keep the radio and tampons and Malarone pills.

This infuriated me. I could not get over how pissed I was. Furthermore, on Day 1, right before I was dropped off and while I was still blindfolded, the field producer in the jeep with me told me this: “So I’m really sorry. Discovery decided against your fire starter, they said it was too high-tech and they wanted to give you a bow drill instead. I tried to go to bat for you, but they wouldn’t listen,” he said. It was a ferrocerium and magnesium flint, not that high-tech at all. This was unnerving, not because I now all of a sudden had a bow drill, but because we spend months beforehand talking about what 4 items to bring, and this discussion goes between the producers and contestants and is very specific. So the fact that this was being relayed to me as I was getting dropped off seemed a bit fishy and sabotaging to me. So I had my machete and a bow drill.

I had flank pain that was incredibly intense on Day 4, and said I wanted to tap-out on Day 5. The producer asked me to wait one more day before tapping out. On Day 6, we were awakened by medics who wanted to check me out. They looked at me and left to get me antibiotics, as I was in severe pain and had barely slept as a result. I was also offered a piece of cracker that morning to go with my Malarone, which had been overlooked on the days prior due to my choice to take it at night so as to avoid mood swings during the day. So I took a Malarone, and right about when it kicked in, my partner started to tell me that I was lazy and needed to do more (this part was not shown), which led to the “sabotage scene.” This scene again, involved an editorial muting of Luke’s words to me prior to me getting upset. Again, they edited the episode to make it seem like he just said one line to me and I  reacted irrationally. He was actually sitting there for about 10 minutes, complaining as I was waiting for the medics to return with antibiotics.

So there you have it. When I revolted, it was not just against my partners. And I am not going to get into the details about that right now, it’s just not that important. I really wanted to throw the cameras in the river, too. I threw that shit in the river on Day 6—not Day 10 like they said—and got kicked off the show. I had been given the option to stay and find it, but really I did not want to go diving in the river that was supposedly full of anacondas. It just wasn’t worth it to me. Plus, I was over it. So there you go. Call it want you want. Call it a TV show. Call it a social experiment. The truth is, it’s much, much more than that. Much more.

Edit: I was told to immediately cease taking Malarone by the doctor in Colombia upon exiting the show. Apparently it is contraindicated for people with a history of kidney problems like I have.

I also would like to add, there were info tidbits demonstrated by Luke that I actually taught him and he chided me for until I left, and then he taught them  as his own. One example is of him removing a splinter with a spinous thorn from a tree. I did this and he made fun of me for it. Additionally, they were using resources I was collecting and simultaneously complained that I was not doing anything, for example: all the vines we were using for fish baskets.  I would put some down and leave to collect more, and they would be gone when I returned. On the topic of fish baskets, I had made a plethora of logical recommendations which the guys turned down until someone else suggested them, such as: I recommended we weave a large flat basket, instead of a funnel  (we each made one), to scoop fish. They declined until a cameraman later said that was what the locals did. Etc.

4/13/19: I mentioned this on social media a couple years ago, but another prime example of how Naked and Afraid manipulates media and viewership can be brought up in the context of the PR stint they did with pro surfer Anastasia Ashley in 2017. They brought her and a YouTube dad out into the jungle and allowed them to “use” cellphones and post to social media while they were away. It all seemed really contrived and they were leaking photos from the adventure onto Instagram months before the episode came out. It really seemed like Anastasia tapped around day 2 or 3. But then they released this photo and said it was Anastasia’s back. This photo got circulated to about 20 different publications, including Sports Illustrated, within days:


That isn’t Anastasia Ashley’s back.

It actually looks like a dude’s back, perhaps wearing a wig. I am a nationally certified massage therapist and I would estimate that I’ve worked on around ten thousand clients. That isn’t her back and it isn’t her hair. It looks like a man with scoliosis. This is the only photo that was released of Anastasia Ashley’s bug bites. I believe that she was bitten by bugs, yes—but I don’t believe the story that Discovery used, because if it was true, they would have shown more than just this one singular photo that deliberately hides her face. The shoulder to hip ratio is different than Anastasia’s, and the hair is a different color than hers. She was wearing extensions while filming Naked and Afraid, and she’s normally a brunette with sometimes sun-bleached hair, but this isn’t her hair. If you don’t believe me, just Google search Anastasia Ashley and look for yourself. She’s hot. This isn’t her, not even if she was slouching. It’s a fucking man.

Nobody questioned this and nobody noticed? My dear god, how foolish people can be.

Discovery Channel takes advantage of other people’s ignorance and uses it to their advantage. They are tied in with so many other companies and networks, so their ability to spread false facts is multiplied by their ability to work with those other networks and have certain stories republished.

Another example I can give of this is of me. While the one photo of someone’s back, above, was enough to make hundreds of millions of people think that Anastasia had tapped out because of a brutal bug attack, Discovery did the opposite with me. If you look at my IMDB page, the photo is from a studio in Burbank when I was filming with Discovery Channel. Somehow IMDB has that photo for my headshot. I did not submit it. It is a shot of me making a sneering facial expression and makes me look mean. In order for me to change that photo, I have to keep paying IMDB a monthly fee. I have requested a photo switch and the only way to do it is to pay them. I tried this for a month or two, but I honestly don’t have the money to throw at websites like that to upkeep my vanity portfolio. I would rather just not pay, and deal with everyone thinking what they want. The IMDB profile was not set up by me. It was probably set up by someone who works for Discovery. As soon as it was set up, it was automatically linked to a TV Guide article that smeared my character.

These things happen quickly and in a concerted effort by people in offices somewhere. This is Hollywood.

And while I’m bringing up that studio session, “The Dirty Dozen Return,” I want to say that I was standing up for Dani Julien and they didn’t show that, either. Production was showing us clips from Colombia as we sat in a circle. I watched everyone bully Dani Julien and was nearly brought to tears. I was and am so tired of bullies getting ahead and it reminded me of how Luke and Chris were treating me. I spoke up and told everyone they owed Dani J. an apology. Then one by one they started apologizing to her. But Discovery never showed me saying that, probably because it didn’t fit the character they were trying to portray. It would have shown that I have leadership abilities and empathy, and it would have shown my propensity for standing up to bullies.

That’s how I’ve always been. When I was in high school, I was voted in as student body president. I was never a part of any cliques. I was nice. I always had a good reputation for being nice, until Discovery framed me. Their portrayal of me is so far from who I am that I couldn’t even upkeep it if they were paying me to do so. I really wonder who is editing these shows and if they have any compassion for humankind whatsoever. To me, all it seems they care about is money and ratings. And I think viewers enjoy seeing certain kinds of people portrayed as villains on reality shows.

Ooooh shit, one more thing. Yo, chicks are having sex with the producers and apparently getting better edits. I can’t believe I forgot to mention this. One Season 1 XL woman specifically admitted to me and multiple people that she boinked one of the producers, and I have messages between another participant and myself wherein the other participant was relaying a widely-known affair between a different season’s female XL participant and a producer. She had an awesome edit. I’m not going to expose names here, because I feel like that would be shitty. But yeah, sex scandals are everywhere when it comes to Hollywood. One of the NAA XL participants drunkenly invited me to his room at the reunion in Burbank, and I was flattered but declined; not going to mention names here either. Sex gets you places in Hollywood, apparently, and lack of it doesn’t.

Naked and Afraid isn’t immune from any of it.